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A Grander View #MyWorstDate

Will this couple agree on philosophy?

Gold bottles with ace of spades logos sat cozy in buckets of ice on the table. A posh restaurant in Newark, Delaware allowed for the Lady and the Gentleman to enjoy a meal together for the second time. The Lady, redbone with curly blonde hair, wore a plain black dress. The Gentleman, dark-skinned, sported diamond cufflinks and a navy silk suit and tie. From a distance, it would appear as if the couple exchanged sweet nothings and words of affection. This vision veered from what actually occurred.

“I’m telling you, he is more objective in his approach,” the Lady said. She thought of the intensity in her voice.

“His subjectivism is astounding, my dear,” the gentleman retorted.

“I would expect you to find bits and pieces in his philosophy, just to upset me.” The Lady turned her cheek.

“There you go. This self-destructive ruse is nothing but that. You’ve got to learn that a Christian cannot be objective, completely. He may be at times unbiased and in line with reality, but once, among a whole host of fallacies, you bring in the sense that Jesus ascended into some fantasyland, all bets are off,” the Gentleman said.

The Lady made an audible gasp. It was like the crack of a whip. “His Christianity shows that he has a purity in his work. He explains that it is through Christ that we be redeemed from the wretchedness of ourselves,” the Lady explained.

The Gentleman gave a brief guffaw and took a bite of his asparagus. He thought of how this conversation had careened off of the path of civil discourse. “Please, spare me the details about how you cannot be subjective and Christian at the same time. You’ve got to get out of the church yard and see a grander view of the skyscrapers. Is his work not odious, though?"

The Lady twirled her angel hair into a loop of golden pasta on her fork. After a bite she said, “But you must look past the rhetoric and see the truth. He brings about the ideas of sarcasm and irony that run throughout his work. You would know that if you ever studied it.”

“What makes you say that I haven’t?”

“Well, then you wouldn’t have asked that question.”

The waiter came by the table. “Is there anything–” he started.

“No,” the Lady and the Gentleman said in unison. The waiter vanished as fast as he had come to the table.

“I assert that to be objective, you must do away with faith entirely. You must have a firm stance on the evidence that is made available to you through your senses. You then formulate those perceptions and form concepts. That is the chain of events involved in reason. Or have you not heard of such?”

The Lady scowled. Deep creases in her forehead then became visible. Her thoughts became bubbling heat rising within her mind. “I know what reason is. Reason is the beginning of where faith leads you. You can combine reason and faith and have them walk in tandem.”

“No, you can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”


“Because, well, you see–”


“The idea of reason was bestowed upon man when God first made Adam. Before he ate of the tree of knowledge of good and evil with Eve, he had reason enough to tend to the animals and plants.”

“You mean the automatons that some mystical force on chance and by whim just puts inside a ‘paradise’ in order to please himself? And then when they disobey Him by way of a talking snake, My God!, he then punishes them with thought, work, and romantic relationships?”

“I wish this was a romantic relationship.”

“Why, what’s the matter, huh? Is it getting too real for you?”

“I still posit that Christianity and reason can be achieved. You obviously are not as enlightened as I. To deny the fact that a man went to the cross to die for the sins of everyone. Everyone! You must not know reason at all.”

The Gentleman dabbed his mouth with his napkin then returned it to his lap.

“How does nonmatter become matter? How does a thing that which does not exist, suddenly exist? How can we find out about these things? Only through the powers of the mind to sense, interpret, and codify precepts can human beings achieve reason. This is how we evolved from mudhuts to mansions. The long line of brains that kept building on the thoughts and ideas of the past figures and applying new ways of seeing the world allowed for us to grow, succeed, and prosper. But you agreeing with this two-bit philosopher who didn’t know his brain from a battering ram, could spell the demise of your mind. Don’t let that happen, darling,” the Gentleman said. He reached for her hand. The Lady whisked it away with spite.

The Lady bit a piece of her cracked crab and lobster. The Gentleman sliced into his Kobe beef. The silence remained mind shattering; it seemed funeral procession quiet besides the sounds produced by their forks and knives scraping their plates. The Lady began again.

“So, if this philosopher has no bearing, why is he continuously studied in high schools, colleges, and universities throughout the world?”

The Gentleman swallowed his rare steak. “That’s because the moral subjectivists that run the institutions of learning and higher learning stand as cowards who refuse to teach the real ideas from philosophers–”

“That you like.”

“Not that I like per se, but, one woman in particular, that I respect and hold up as a bastion for the mind. Meaning, that philosophers like her promote how the mind works, the sovereignty of the individual, and a proper social system. All of these components ought to be taught in the schools that young people clamor for in the way of knowledge and wisdom. Alas, our milquetoast professors don’t know what’s going on in the streets. They feel that their ideas can hold up in their ivory towers but to the layman and professional working outside of the academic profession, his or her answer would be to teach the theories that would not only work but be moral.”

“Are you going to finish your potato au gratin?”

“Did you hear what I just said?”

“You went on and on. I sort of just tuned you out after you said ‘components.'”

“Do you not realize that you’re slowly killing your brain when you apply this type of tripe to your consciousness and keep it there? There's even a much worse philosopher that is more vicious than even the philosopher you are mentioning. I can’t even begin to tell you how terrible his work is.”

“I’m aware that as a philosophy student, there is no recourse to studying the course load without dropping it and seeking another line of work once I graduate.”

“You were not like this on our first date. How could a course change your perspective so vehemently? I mean, you can take in the nonsense that they spew but you don’t have to accept it as fact.” The waiter moved by the table again.

“Check please–”

“What’re you doing?”

“You’re taking me home.”

“We didn’t get dessert.”

“I know.”

The Gentleman thought. He came up with a quick line.

“Hey, I’ve got to get my wallet out of my car.” The Gentleman made a beeline towards the door.

The Lady sat with her hands in her lap.

“Here you are ma’am. Take your time with that.” The bill read eight hundred dollars.

“I’m a student. I can’t afford this bill,” she yelped. He just went to get his–” Just then, she heard the tires squeal of a high end German coupe.

“Well, we can settle this matter, Miss.”

 The Lady found herself in the back with a smock and long yellow gloves cleaning the dishes. Looks of sarcasm and irony curled around her mouth.

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