A Lesson Learned... Kind Of

Ahh, love. The one thing and feeling that everyone will inevitably fall into. I don’t even know what it is, but I’ve found myself falling in and out of love more than I’ve said “supercalifraglisticexpialidocious”. And oh, I have said that numerous times in my life. From the physical attraction of the male to the warm feeling I got inside from the jokes he made, I would find every little thing about another that made me just drop to the floor that is love.

When we were all younger, we never thought about the idea of love. The focus was always on coming home from school for a snack and to watch our favorite TV show and to have the most fun during our free time. But as we got older, our perspective on love changed, as expected and unfortunately. In middle school, it started with silly little crushes, passing cute notes anonymously, and maybe even a little bit of dating. And you thought that was the start of things, huh? Well, behold. High school.

My freshman did not include boyfriends but I sure did have my fair share of crushes. From the boys in my class, to the seniors I gawked over, I was going to definitely fall into the hole of love. Sophomore year of high school was the start. I began to open up more to the idea of love and pushing myself to not be such a scaredy-cat when it came to boys. My first high school boyfriend was sure an interesting one. We had a great bond, and I always got that warm feeling I mentioned earlier. It felt great to be in love. I felt like I was floating whenever he hugged or kissed me. My heart pounded at each compliment and small thing he did for me. Unfortunately and not surprisingly, the end of our relationship came to an end, and it ended ugly. We hated each other, I cried my eyes out over a boy who wasted my time and used me. I told myself after that day and this whole stupid love thing that I’d be over boys. That I would completely forget the idea of love and the happenings. But well, well, well. Jazmyn, you were sure wrong.

The beginning of summer our Sophomore year, I met him. My god. He has everything I’ve ever asked for. The bond we created was for more stronger and prominent than the last. The humor we carried with each other just lasted forever. The love we shared felt like there was nothing else in this world but him. And not to mention, he was a skater boy and I have such a soft spot for those damn skater boys. We hit things off pretty fast if I do say so myself. We did the numerous things I’ve always dreamed of doing with a significant other. The countless adventures we went on together to the amount of times we just sat together watching movies or sleeping. I really felt like I didn’t need or want anything more than him. That the world around me didn’t mean a thing. Love will always have its complications and problems and we ran into those, but very rarely. Up until the end of it all. The pain and hatred I felt towards him and because of him was so strong. For a moment, I regretted everything. I felt that everything I had, had been stripped away from my hold. I had nothing, absolutely nothing. Suicide is never the answer, but at that time, I felt like I had not options left. I had so many thoughts running around in my head and none of them were positive. Blocked, deleted, and unfriended. All in the blink of an eye. The love of my life, the one I called my future husband and all, was gone. From that point on, I never wanted to give my love to anyone else ever again. From that point on, I felt like that there was no reason for me to do so. But I did realize something in this process of healing. I may not know everyone’s stories and the struggles they go through, but the one thing I know for sure is that everyone needs love.

Whether it be through the form of laughter, simple happiness, intimacy, anything. Everyone needs it. My main takeaway from relationships was to love. Love regardless of the situation. Love in the worst of times to heal. Love to create more love. After learning this lesson, I opened up much more than I ever have. More amazing people came into my life and I had, and still have so much love to give. That skater boy I mentioned? Yeah, he is in my life again because of love. I learned to not hold grudges against a person because of a past we had and to not hate someone because of it too. I’m now moving onto college and growing up and learning more as the days past. Oh, what’s this? Jazmyn is falling in love again. Lets see what happens next. And for a lesson for everyone, do not waste your love.