A Letter to My Mom

Dear Mom,

When I was little, you were what I wanted to be when I grew up. Looking up to you has been one of the greatest things in my life because you are nothing short of amazing. I would watch you brush your teeth, back to front and then your tongue, I'd watch you do your make-up in the morning and play with your lipstick and mascara so that I could look just like you. I would watch you cook dinner and try to help, even though I wasn't tall enough to see over the counter. If one of us got sick, you would take care of us and make sure we stayed in bed. So when you got sick, I would take care of you and make you something like a PB&J because that's all I could master. Let's be honest, I was no Betty Crocker. When I was little, everything you did just amazed me, you were the light in my life. And to this day, 20 years later, you're still amazing the brightest light in my life. You've taught me my whole life to put others before myself, not because you did. But because of this feeling you get from helping the people you care about. The feeling you get from being selfless and making someone else's life a little better before your own. I wish more than anything, that I can make your life a little better, for as long as I possibly can. You gave me this life, and for that, I am so thankful. But more importantly, because of that, I want to make the best of the life you gave me.

When I got a little bit older and started getting cocky- thinking I was the coolest teenager, I didn't want you to help as much. I didn't want to do things your way, I wanted to try things my way. Now I'm in my twenties and I want you to make every decision for me. I don't want to experience a single part of my life without you. You know, I thought I'd have enough common sense and experience built up, to figure things out on my own. At least, I thought I would. I learned the hard way that I don't, and that my friends weren't actually my friends and that people are temporary. But you, you never were. I thought I was so cool and didn't need you to make every decision for me. You always had these feelings about people I decided to associate myself with, I never listened and I should have. Your judgment on people was too accurate for me to believe, regardless of all the times, you had been right. I'm sorry for not listening to you, I would have saved myself a lot of hurt feelings if I would have. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you.

Now, I'm out of high school and I realize now that I need you more than ever. I wish I could have you make all of my doctors' appointments for me, and drive me places I need to go, I want you to wash my hair in the sink when I'm too lazy to do it myself. I want you to pick my clothes out the night before and do my hair in the morning. I want you to hold my hand in the parking lot of the grocery store so I don't get hit by a car. Everything you did for me as a kid, I realize now that I took it for granted. I wish I could do it all over and appreciate all of the small things you did for me.

Words could never explain the kind of love I have for you. I know I've gone through my horrible teenage attitudes at times, where I made you feel like I didn't appreciate the things you do for me. But please understand that I do. I always have. Nobody could ever compare to you and the comfort you bring to me and make me feel like no matter what the circumstance is, everything it's going to be okay. I know this life hasn't been perfect, it's been far from it. But you have done a great job. I don't tell you that enough, but I thank God every night that you're my mom. I'm so unsure how to even explain what you mean to me and how great you have made my life. I know that no matter how hard the situation got, it never stopped you from trying your best and making the most of every day with me and Jade. I think that's what makes it the best, is that you tried your best, and never stopped. That's the best form of love.

When I finally move out and get my life together, know that it's taken everything in me to be away from you. I love you more than anything in the whole world. I'm so beyond lucky to have met you, and loved you the way that I do. Thank you for giving me such a great life, and loving me no matter what. Please don't ever forget your worth. Because you're worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. And know that you are loved unconditionally until the end of time.

I love you so much.