A Letter to the Most Influential Man In My Life; I'm Here Too

Everyone you know holds a certain spot in your heart, some can be large and others very small, but either way they are a piece of your life. I have this one insanely important man in my life, who will forever be the most influential in my heart. He is everything I strive to be, and yet, nothing of whom I want to be.

I strive for his approval, wait for his opinions as they mean more than my own, and continuously try to impress him. This man has a large impact on my life and I don’t know what I’d do without him but since I am not like everyone else in my family, I don't always get that approval.

I grew up in a small town with a divorced family and two other siblings. My dad works for a feed plant, my stepmother also works for a feed plant, and my two siblings are farmers. Everyone seems to enjoy their lives and go on a few vacations a year but I’m different... insanely different from the rest of them.

I cannot work in a feed mill, nor an office, not with the cows or with the crops. My future involves a plane every so often that’ll take me to a different destination when I get sick of living in the same location. I am a writer, and therefore my mind is always running and I prefer to be moving and doing something at all times. I prefer a nice pair of heels over those work boots and would rather spend my days socializing with people than fixing a bathroom. I do not fit in but I have accepted that and am now learning how to deal with it.

As I learn and practice doing what I want and living my best life I still have one complication; approval. Not from everyone as I only let certain people’s opinions affect my life but this one man has me going crazy for the same approval as he provides to his other daughter- the one who has life planned out.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, this man is my father. Do not get me wrong because my father and I have a great relationship but I always feel like I'm acting like someone else to impress him. My sister, who is only 18 months older than I am, has always had his approval on everything she does. She cannot talk to him for months but then the day he gets a text message from her it will be the best day of his week. I strive to be more like her in ways to impress my father but I have come to one simple conclusion… I don't have to.

Growing up this was always a large factor for my daily life and the way I acted. I remember acting out way longer than I should have to get the same attention, then when that didn't work I’d distance myself but nothing seemed to ever work. Today, I feel proud of who I am and ambitious to show everyone how great I can be and the great things I’ll change in this world. I realize that I am as important and that love is shown in more ways than one. So, although I wish to be taken seriously the way my sister is, and loved the way my sister is, I realize I never will be. But I have to be okay with that. So now, I start, I start approving of myself and my dreams so much that the vibe I give off is my vibe and no one else's. I start allowing my opinions and my own approval dictate my actions and I do not worry about who or what everyone else thinks I should do with my life... because it’s MY LIFE.

I do everything I do because I want to. I become who I am because I need to. I love myself and do not crave that loving from others. I am who I am. I love myself and believe in myself, therefore I have all the power in the world to achieve greatness.

And so do you, take my advice and show them who you are. It doesn't matter if their family, a teacher, a friend, a boss, show them how great you are and your full potential will lead you to remarkable places in the world. Places you’ve never even dreamed of but are willing to take that step and shine. If you really want to become the best you've ever been, it is time to shine, time to stand up and be proud of who you are. After taking my first step I saw a huge difference in myself, now it’s time you see yours.