A Life with No Regrets

August 27, 2018. Senior year. A year where I will be a new me. A better me.

Some Narration

Hi, you can call me Neun (pronounced Noon). I am currently a senior in high school. And. I'm gay.

The summer of 2018 was when I came out. The realization of having such a preference came freshman year of high school. Now, you're probably wondering (or not) why I waited three years to come out. Well, I was scared. Just like most people in this community before they came out. I was scared of how people would react. But nonetheless, I did it and I'm happy I did.

Now, along with coming out, I have put myself on a new path. A path of having now regrets in life. A path of saying what I want to say. Doing what I want to do (with concerns of not harming anyone/anything during the process).

With this in mind I decided that I will ask my crush to homecoming. Whether he was straight, gay, bi, or just not even interested, I was going to ask. Asking him is the only for sure way I will receive any sort of answer that is reliable. I don't want to rely on assumptions or rumors. I'm going to get an answer straight from the source.

September 16, 2018. Five days before I ask him to Homecoming.

What turned into asking him a week before homecoming turned into three weeks before homecoming, and eventually into two weeks before the month of September even ends. (Homecoming is October 19).

The date moved up so fast. So suddenly. But I knew that I was more than ready. Now, asking someone to a dance may not be a big deal to some, but in my eyes it was.

I'm quite the introvert, who is shy, quiet, and won't usually start the conversation with someone. But this year. It's this year that I will break my bubble that I have created. I will do what I wish to and say what I wish to. And I wish to ask my crush to homecoming, because who knows when I will get a chance like this again.

Now that the date moved up so fast, I realized. I had nothing to wear that day. My usual outfit is shorts and sweatshirt (which really isn't the cutest). So I decided that I will go with a friend and find a nice shirt.

Three stores and one lemonade later, we found the shirt. It was a white, black, and grey long sleeve crew neck-ish shirt. It was cute and it made me look slim. So safe to say, we bought it, along with a couple shirts my friend couldn't resist to buy.

September 21, 2018. The day I ask him to Homecoming.

I had no sleep the night before, yet I wasn't tired whatsoever. I was running entirely on adrenaline. I put on the shirt I picked out, along with some black pants and grey colored adidas shoes and headed out to school (it was a look, to be truthfully honest).

The original plan was to ask him during snack (break period). However, we found him to be studying in a classroom.

"Guys! He's sTuDYiNg. wHaT aM I suPPoSeD to dO?" "How about trying during lunch?" - Calm and Collected Friend (love her) "I guess that's our only option. But. Where is he during lunch?" "Good question. I guess we can just run to his fifth period really fast."

1:03. Lunch starts, as well as the chase.

My friend and I quickly regroup and head to his fifth period. Not there. We head to all the classes that we could think of where he would be:

AP Calculus class? Not there. AP Chemistry class? Not there. AP Environmental Class? Not there either!

Our last option, we nicely bombard one of his friends.

"Hey, do you know where ----- is?" "No, but I can text him" "Please do!"

One text later we finally know where he is. At a Korean Club meeting in the Korean teacher's room. Who would have thought that he would be in Korean club? Definitely not me. Unexpected, yet expected at the same time.

We reach the classroom and I finally see him. My hands begin to shake and I mercilessly begin to use my friend's arm as a reliever (sorry friend). After two minutes of being anxious, nervous, and just a mess in general, I finally walk up to him.

*taps shoulder* "Hey -----. Are you busy right now?" "No not really." "Oh, could we talk outside really quick then?" "Sure."

I nervously walk outside the class, hands shaking more than ever. I'm finally going to do it.

*I begin to clap my hands nervously to a nonexistent rhythm in my head* (I didn't want him to notice my shakiness)

"Hey, um. I know we don't know each other too much, But. I was wondering, if maybe you wanted to go to homecoming together?"

"Ah, Sorry. I don't plan on going to homecoming this year. But thank you for asking" *He says as he smiles so wholeheartedly at me*

"Oh that's cool. Have a good day." "Okay, See ya later"

This was the beginning and the end of a chapter.

I may have been rejected. It might have not turned out how I wished it would. But at least I did it, and now I know. I am going to move on. Continue on this path of having now regrets and live a happy life.

Life is too short to live with regrets. Do what you want to do. Say what you want to say.

In the end, live a happy life, and remember to enjoy it to the fullest. We're only here once, so let's make the best of it!

This was Neun.

Thank you for time! I wish you all happiness!