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I loved him... I had never felt what love was until he came along.
It all began at the beach... One night we went out with our friends and had some drinks at the beach. We spent most of the night talking to one another. He was my neighbor so he offered a ride home and I accepted. On our way back, he had his hand on my lap, and before he dropped me off he kissed me. The next morning I woke up and saw our messages. I was confused and called him. Since that day we started to fall for one another. We spent Christmas and New Years together, meeting each other’s friends and family, and oh I loved it. He told me he loved me after two weeks of dating and I said it back even though I didn’t mean it but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I started to fall for him, so very deeply, but he started messing up... After a month he told me he was confused and got drunk and had sex with one of his exes, left town with his friends, got into an argument with me, and danced with another girl at a club, took pictures of her sitting on him, and slept on the same couch while naked. Supposedly nothing else happened, but?! Two months later his other ex called him and he kept meeting with her until they kissed. Three months after, he got confused again and went back to his recent ex and cheated one more time. Keep in mind I kept letting him into my life and forgiving him. I loved him and wow, man, that was true love.
He was bipolar and sometimes we would be so happy but then fight so much. 2017 ended and as soon as the new year hit, we started fighting and fighting more. He started to hang out with my ex and wanted me to be there and feel totally cool with it. One day he snapped on me and started talking loud, calling me annoying and that he was tired. We got over it but the next day he got angry again, we argued and blamed it on me, blocked me from his phone and when I called him from his mom’s phone he told me he was tired of everything and the relationship. I went to talk to him in person and we decided to separate from each other, but when I was going home he didn’t want to let me go and said he would fight for me, for us. Two days later he told me he didn’t mean it, that it was the moment and he felt sad.
He told me he loved me, for so long, a year and some months, and I believed him. I love him, I truly do, but I gotta love myself more; I have to, for my happiness.
Sometimes no matter how hard it hurts, we gotta let people go and focus on ourselves. No matter how much I want him I know it’s better for me to let go of him and the past. It’s time to love me and the strong woman I have become. We don’t need a significant other to be happy, we need to be comfortable with ourselves and love our own mind and body before even thinking about loving someone else. Be who you want to be, love the person you are, and never ever put anyone before you.