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A Love That Never Was, Lost Forever

You left me lost and hungry for your touch that I could never have.

By Clare EllisPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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So you didn't want me in the end and nothing I said or did could change your mind. You left me lost and hungry for your touch that I could never have. The chance to talk all night long until the sun rose high into the early morning light, to laugh and hold you tenderly. Now I am numb, my words are choked, they can't come out. I've loved you for so long yet I barely know you. A mystery wanting to get so close but so far out of reach from you. Now my heart feels full, when it comes to you, I have maxed out my emotions, beaten myself to a pulp for not being good enough for you to want to share my thoughts and desires. To love you from afar is soul-destroying, it cuts through me like a knife.

We are older now, not children anymore as we were when we first met all those years ago. Maybe that's the problem we have now grown so far, had experiences both positive and negative that have shaped and molded us into the people that we are today. For me, I have a child that is my pride and joy, that will live through me long after I have gone. But what about you? What is your hidden desire, have your hopes and dreams come true or have they been hopelessly dashed? Are you happy or smiling behind the tears? Have you done everything you had hoped to do by now or are bitter and disappointed with life and what it has become? I'm sounding like a child but how I long to comfort you, nurse and nurture you, take away all your negative vibes and heal them with love. But I make you depressed you say, obsessive and possessive, all of the traits I despise in myself. Loving and caring for you brings out the best and worst in me.

I don't know if you know your true potential, I'll never know why you chose to come back, family, fear, safety? Who knows, all I know is that my feelings for you have rarely changed, despite living up and down the country, meeting and embracing wonderful, amazing, and beautiful individuals; both men and women. Deep down my heart has always been beating for you, even though you never cared enough to want to get to know me and all my flaws and strengths. I am a strong woman, stronger than you will ever know. I am brilliant, witty, bright, and warm. I desperately want you to hear how my heart sings for you but you never will, it falls on deaf ears, literally as you said you were deaf in one ear. I too am a little hard of hearing, maybe it's our age! I make a joke of things because all I have at the end of the day is to make light of a very difficult situation that pains me so much.

So now I will be brave and put my big girl pants on and go and kick arse! I'll fall in love with someone who does want me and to know my hopes, fears, and dreams. I am sad but proud that my heart has been big enough to let you in, to know that it is capable of loving someone so much it often physically aches when I think of you. To me you are like the brightest star shining in the moonlight, beautiful, yet poignantly unobtainable. So I'm letting you go, trying to heal my hidden wounds, knowing in my heart that I will always love you, but that we could never be.

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About the Creator

Clare Ellis

I am a full time single mum living in one of the most beautiful parts of England. North Cornwall. I have many passions and interests and I am keen to write down my thoughts, feelings, ideas and opinions. Enjoy my stories x

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