A Talk About Broken Promises

Most if not all of you have been through breakups. Anyone who has been through a breakup knows they hurt like hell, especially if you were the one who was being broken up with. However, I have found that, in my experience, the thing that hurts more (especially in the case of serious relationships/ long-term relationships) is the broken promises that come with the breakup. He swore he was never going to leave? He turned around and left you. She said she would never love anyone but you? Look at her, loving someone else!

In The Fault In Our Stars (by John Green), there is a quote that I think sums up this perfectly: "Some people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them." We've all broken a promise, even a small one. So how do you cope with the pain of a broken promise and a broken relationship? That, my dear reader, is what we will be exploring together.

1. "I promise I'll never leave you."

This one is a big ouch when it comes from a person who, after saying it, leaves you in the dust. I used to think that the best way to deal with this one was to essentially demonize the promiser. They couldn't have really meant it anyway if they are going to just up and leave so easily, right?

Well, lets look again at that TFiOS quote. Maybe at the time they made the promise, they wholeheartedly meant it (I am working under the assumption that the person was not a total douchenozzle). As the relationship moves on, things show up. Stress, mental illness, trauma (past and present), and a myriad of other things that could cause someone to magically get cold feet and want to leave. Of course, a truly strong couple should be able to make it through this, but no one is perfect. People get scared easy, especially when they have been hurt before.

I believe the best way to deal with this is to remember that the person who would break this promise is not the person that you fell for in the first place.

2. "I swear I'll never hurt you like he/she/they did."

So this promise, when eventually broken, usually results in them doing something so similar to who they said they were nothing like that you almost want to call them by that other person's name (I admittedly have done this in my head a multitude of times).

So how do you deal? Well, if they just broke your heart, then you call them an assbutt and move on with your life. No, I'm not trying to downplay how bad heartbreak is, trust me. I am going through it myself right now and I know how quickly that can make you lose hope and go into such a downward spiral it's not even funny anymore. I say this because if they did something traumatic/ abusive to you, it takes a whole lot more than just flipping them the bird and calling them names while you cry into a bottle of your alcohol of choice.

With abuse, no matter the severity, always tell a person of authority. I don't care if it is your therapist, counselor, or a police officer you particularly trust. You tell someone so you can get put on the right path to seeking justice. I know that is the hardest thing to do because you love/ loved the non-abusive side of them, but the mental and/or physical scars they left on you are pretty permanent. Go find someone you trust and tell them immediately.

3. "I'll always be here for you."

Now, this particular one, in my opinion, is a doozy. You don't truly realise this promise is broken right at the break up stage. It happens later on when you think you can turn to them for help and they have ghosted. It almost feels like they made that promise to break your heart again after the relationship ended. Honestly? Maybe they did. But it's at that moment where you need to start letting go. They left you holding onto false hope. It's time just to start picking up the pieces and leave them behind.