A Three Year Nightmare

***This piece is dedicated to all the ladies who think they aren’t good enough. Who think they deserve to be unhappy. Who think they deserve to be treated like garbage. I WAS that girl. But I lived it, I learned from it, and I finally freed myself from a garbage dump of a relationship.

We’ve all been there, right? A bad date can really put a damper on being single and make us want to NEVER show our faces again, buy a ton of cats, and just be alone forever. **cue dramatic music**

Although it sucks, we always try to learn from these mistakes and move on. We meet someone else who seems worthy of our time, and everything horrible that happened beforehand seems nonexistent.

Eventually, you do meet someone and you instantly click. You share a few good laughs and you think, “Ok, I’ll give this thing called dating another shot.”But, what happens when a not so bad date actually turns into 3-years of torture? You might be thinking, “Why would one deal with that for such a long period of time?” Well, one may have fallen in love or may have fallen and hit their head and lost all sense of what’s right and wrong.

It all started in 2009 when we ran into each other at our local amusement park where he was working. At this point in my life, I felt like he was too old for a job but like BUT at least he had a job, right? He was actually someone that I knew from high school and never really showed much interest in before. I had a serious boyfriend in high school (whom now I am happily married to) so I never really thought twice about anyone else.

When that relationship ended I dated a few other guys, but nothing was ever serious. I was still pretty young and was actually only 20 almost 21 when I started dated bipolar boardwalk boy. Oh did I forget to mention he was bipolar? Yeah, that’s probably an important piece of information.

Now before I continue, I would NEVER hate on someone for having some sort of mental issue. However, when you know you have an issue and do not address it, it becomes even more unhealthy and will indeed affect every aspect of your life.

With that being said, let’s talk about the time he took almost 2 hours to get ready. When he finally emerged from his bedroom he was living in (you read that right) I jokingly said, “It’s about time princess!” You would have thought I called him a little bitch and wished death upon his mother. He looked at me like he was going to kill me and snapped back, “I’m not a fucking princess!”

I was so taken aback but the reaction was so over the top and dramatic that all I could do was laugh in his face and say, “No shit! No real woman takes that long to get ready!” I’m the queen of sarcasm. The queen of wit. And the queen of just not giving a damn.

Right there should have been my first red flag, but like anyone else who is going through a funk and feels the need to be in a relationship, I ignored it, accepted his apology, took his issues into consideration, and moved on.

Aside from his ‘snapping’ from time to time, we did have some fun together. But not as much as you’d think and definitely not as much as you should when you’re in a serious relationship.

After a while, he started to get too comfortable and would start to disappear from time to time. LOL - I honestly can't help but laugh at this. Like, what in the actual hell?! Did I really think this was OK? …..Yes. Yes, I did. #idiot

When I say disappear, I really mean it. He would shut his phone off, get a new number, and run off to weekend raves. There would be times that I wouldn't hear from him for almost 2 weeks. At this point, it was like, “Do I have a boyfriend?” “Can I flirt with this cute guy at the bar who’s been buying me drinks all night?” I always felt so guilty!

What ‘man’ hides the fact that he’s going to a rave from his girlfriend that he’s LIVING WITH? Did I forget to mention that? Yeah, we lived together briefly and the entire time was miserable. You know he’s not the one when you feel alone even when you’re with someone. What a nightmare situation it was. I took care of almost everything (mainly because I had a job and wasn’t spending my money on stupid shit), while he’s off having the time of his life.

One night, I met two of my girlfriends out for a few drinks. We had gotten on the topic of our relationships (as all girls do once they’ve had a few cocktails) when my friends started to drop some real truth bombs about my current situation. I did mention that he didn’t have a car right? Or a license? Well, they said something to me that really opened my eyes and definitely saved me from staying in this nightmare. They said, “What about your future with him? If he has no desire to EVER get a license, then you’re the one who always has to drive everywhere. There’s no reason why he can’t. What about when you get pregnant and go into labor?! Are you going to drive yourself to the hospital!?” I almost fell off my f*cking chair when they said that! It’s so simple yet so TRUE! There was no reason why I had to the be one to do all the heavy lifting in this relationship, while he was off at concerts on the weekends and not contributing to anything. Not to mention using me to for rides to and from work.

It was the most draining time of my life, but I am so happy that it is over. I can now say that I am happily married to an awesome guy who works, drives, and takes care of us as a family. So ladies, if you’re reading this piece and nodding your head or saying things like, “Yup, that sounds familiar,” then it’s time to ‘ditch the dope’ and start living for yourself. The hardest part was learning a new routine. When you’re with someone for 3 almost 4 years, you get into a routine and then that routine just turns into comfortability.

I promise you - the right guy, (or girl) IS out there for you! Be patient. My biggest mistake was rushing love. It doesn’t happen like that. Love happens organically and when you least expect it.

Good luck, ladies and happy Valentine’s Day!