About a Relationship

Who is in a relationship? Who isn't? Who wants to get out of a relationship? Who is in an abusive one? Who wants to

Well, truth be told, RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD. There is no sugarcoating it. Anybody who has been or is in one now, knows the struggles and fears of keeping their own relationship strong. Its a challenge and some people can't keep up to that challenge. AND THAT'S OKAY.

Here is my story.

I am young. Almost 20, and I have been on the look for my "one true love". I thought I had found him when I moved to the sprawling city of San Francisco. There he was, right there sitting in front of me in class. Little did I know, he liked me and decided to ask me out. I would say our relationship has been wonderful at first. Our connection was strong and our romance keeps blossoming. But, after a year, he started to change. He became secretive, cold and bitter. No longer was the romance blossoming, but instead it was dying. We kept fighting. I had noticed that, everybody that he knows, he never introduced me as his "girlfriend" only has his friend. So every time they asked "You guys should start dating" it always confuses me. Why don't they know that we are together. For almost two years now. I brought up the subject to his attention, and then he gets angry that I'm interfering with in his business. So, I just let it go.

Another thing we fight about is sex. While he is sexually active, I however am not. As a ballerina, my body is already sore from dancing 8-10 hours a day. So therefore sex has always been the last thing on my mind. Now don't get me wrong, we do "get it on" once in awhile, but the mood started to decrease intensely. He would say things to make me guilty of robbing him of his needs, which then makes me feel guilty and therefore force myself to have sex with him for his pleasure. WHICH IS WRONG, and I will explain that later on.

I broke up with him, mainly because he made me feel bad about myself the last year of our relationship. He acted like a child, throwing tantrums when he didn't get what he wanted. Which in turn led to our romantic downfall. I wish I had focused on the signs. For a year and half, I was miserable because I kept dealing with his problems, that I forgot to take care of myself. And even though, our breakup ended on a bad note, I am truly grateful.

And here is why. When you decide that you want to be in a relationship here are a few advice I will give you,

1. Always communicate on what you both want

2. Make sure you can talk to each other about ANYTHING

3. Be selfish. And that's okay. You need to make sure you also take care of yourself in the relationship. If you can't solve your own problems, how can you help your partner? That can lead to added stress to you and to your relationship. Trust me

4. And lastly, ALWAYS BE YOURSELF. No one wants a fake persona of yourself. You want your partner to know exactly who you are so they can match their persona to yours. It's all about compatibility.

Now let's talk about sex within the relationship. It is important that BOTH PARTNERS are willing to have sex. Sex is not a one way train. If one partner doesn't want to do it, THAT'S OKAY and it is NOT right to force them only because you are turned on and control your hormone. Remember, talk about your sex life to your partner. Make sure that he/she understands that this is what you want. And if they keep forcing you, or keep making you feel guilty for not having sex with them, dump their sorry ass. And if they force themselves upon you, and you say no, it doesn't matter if you are in a relationship, that is rape and IT IS NOT OKAY. It's all about taking care of your needs first.

When I broke up with my ex, I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders, I WAS FREE. It took awhile to let myself heal from the pain he had caused and the pain I had let myself deal with. But it's been a year since the ordeal and now after putting myself out there again, I had found the one for me. He is a great listener and has helped me learn how to trust and love again.

For all who read my story, Thank you for taking the time to read it, and I hope that I had helped you.

Remember, every relationship is different. And always watch out for yours, but keep an eye out for your friend's as well. You never know what happens behind closed doors, but you can always watch out for the signs.