Abuse: What Are You Thinking?

Abuse can be a hard subject to talk about. And a few years ago, it wouldn't of been a topic that would even come out of my mouth. I hate that things have changed so much since then.

Why do people abuse others? I'm not just talking about calling someone names, or putting them down, but physical abuse, especially to the person you are supposed to love.

I get that relationships are hard, but what gives you the right to hit someone? Were they bothering you? Did they cheat on you? Did they steal something of yours? Why do you think physically hurting someone is the answer?

I have so many stories of physical abuse that has happened to people that I know. I decided that I wanted to share them, no matter how horrible they are.

(Disclosure: all names in these stories are fake, but these are real stories)

1. Jenn and Kyle were boyfriend and girlfriend, living together with their two kids. One kid, Amanda, was two-years-old, the other, Lisa, was six-months-old. Now, both parents are white, but Jenn's father isn't white, so when Jenn was a baby, she was a bit darker. When Lisa was born, she was born a bit darker than when Amanda was born. Kyle's first thought was that Jenn had cheated on him. That was his first thought. It wasn't that her father was darker in skin tone and he passed it down to their child; it was that she was unfaithful. He even wanted to get a DNA test done. A few months later, he stopped questioning it and finally started to help out. Well, one night, he comes home, drunk — oh, did I forget to mention that he is an alcoholic? — and starts accusing Jenn of cheating on him again. She denies it, but he doesn't like her answer, so he hits her. And now she is scared of him, locked in her bedroom with the two kids, and won't come out until he leaves for work the next day (if he even goes to work).
2. Oliver and Veronica had been together for three years. They had some beautiful children. They didn't always get along together, but what relationship was perfect? One night, they get into a huge fight and Veronica walks out, leaving the kids home with Oliver to watch. Oliver has some friends over and would rather drink with them, so he starts bothering Veronica's mother — who was trying to sleep at the time since this was 1 AM — asking her if she'd watch them overnight. Eventually, Veronica's sister had to get involved and tell him that he needs to watch his own children because everyone was trying to sleep already. But he kept trying and trying to convince her that she needs to take the kids. Since she is stubborn, she keeps saying no. That was until he started threatening to send out Veronica's nude photos and inappropriate videos to her family. Oh boy, was Veronica's sister mad at him for even saying that he would do something like that. In the end, he never did because the sister called Veronica and told her what he was going to do, and she came home.
3. Sarah and Matt weren't married, but they were dating. One night he comes home, drunk, and they get into a fight. He gets so upset that he grabs her by the hair and smashes her head down hard against the ground.
4. Noah and Ruth were together for a few years now. He was an alcoholic, and she was pregnant and raising their one child. One late night, they start fighting. The kid is sleeping luckily, but they are going at it pretty loudly. Eventually, Noah pulls a knife out and threatens to stab Ruth. Eventually, the cops come and he hides the knife behind the couch, then tries to blame the threats on Ruth, saying she is the one who said those things and was trying to stab him. The child finally woke up by then and had to go next door to her grandma's house while everything got sorted out. Noah was arrested, handcuffed, and put in the back of a police car. Eventually, Noah's mother comes and talks the policeman into letting Noah come home with her instead of spending the night in jail — which is stupid on the police's part. He agrees and they leave, but Noah is constantly calling her, telling her that he's going to come home, while Ruth is scared, with her door locked, and can't sleep just in case he comes back.

Now, all of these stories have one thing in common. The women never leave in the end. Why?

I've asked myself that every time I hear another abuse story. Why doesn't she leave? She has options. She has people that would protect her. So, why stay? Is it because you still love him? Because if he loved you back, he wouldn't be hurting you in the first place.

It puzzles me.

The whole concept of abuse puzzles me, really. I don't get how one person can turn on someone they planned to spend the rest of their lives with. How can they hurt them to the point of tears, of blood? How they can just stand by and watch their eyes widen with fear because of you?

No one deserves to be abused.

And quite frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of hearing about it like it's an everyday topic that people can just easily brush off.

It's not.

Abuse is serious and needs to be taken seriously.

But in my opinion, if you abuse your spouse, you are not a man (or woman, but I am talking more about experience, though I do know women can be abusive too) and you deserve to be locked away for a long, long time.