Abusive Relationships in Teens

If you want to hear the truth, dating violence in teens seems to happen more often than you think. Both adults and teens do not believe how prevalent emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse is throughout adolescent years. According to the NJCEDV, one in three teenagers experience any form of abuse from their romantic partner, and 33 percent of teenagers who were in a violent relationship did not tell anybody about this. Violence in romantic relationships between teenagers across the world has been in the shadow; breaking the cycle is the key to end such an epidemic.

I truly believed I was never going to fall into an unhealthy relationship: I was utterly strong-willed with a little bit of an attitude. However, when I met Ray, everything seemed to be smothered by him. I thought he was charming at first, being protective over me towards other boys (which I thought was adorable). Social media played a role in the relationship as well. He crossed my boundaries and controlled every social media platform I owned. I was no longer me anymore, but a version of whatever he wanted me to be. I started to notice the red flags of emotional abuse: preventing me from spending time with my friends and family, telling me what I could and could not wear to school, accusing and humiliating me about being with other guys. When I would get angry over this, he would play the victim and merely ask why I was being so “toxic” towards him. I was left with no one. No one except for him.

Eventually, enough was enough. I needed to escape the chains that he called a relationship. I was no longer happy; I was not myself anymore. The day I cut off the toxicity in my life, he threatened to kill himself. He mocked right to my face that it was going to be my fault he was dead, and I was the one every person was going to blame. Out of fear, I stayed. He began the cycle over and over again, yet promising he was going to change. It got worse. He began to call me diminishing names like a skank, slut, whore. He would take my phone and throw it when he did not see something he liked. I was trapped but stayed with him out of fear facaded by love. I truly thought all of this was normal, that these were the sad downsides of being in love.

On June 11, 2017, he sexually assaulted me in a park.

I never thought it would go that way. I thought that the abuse would stay plateaued. I loved him so much and never thought he would do that to me, use my body to his liking and then dispose of it. Numerous sleepless nights were drowned by my tears. Eventually, I caved. I told my mom, who in turn, took all of my technology away out of safety concerns. He was finally gone. He was no longer in my life.

I am not the only girl this happened to. Eighty percent of teens knew that others were in abusive relationships. Why didn’t my friends say anything? Why did they keep quiet for me? Counselors in school did not help one bit either, but it seems to be a trend in schools across the nation. Eighty percent of high school counselors feel unprepared to address incidents of abuse on their school campus.

How can we fix this? It starts with us, the ones who have a voice. Students need to learn about these topics before coming to high school. Knowing the red flags early is important, so teens can bring what they learn to real life. If students notice something, they should always report it. Yes, your friend may get angry over it, but it may have just saved her life. Dating violence is not a topic to be taken lightly, and both teens and adults should know love is not abuse, and abuse is not love.

source: https://www.nj.gov/dcf/providers/boards/dvfnfrb/TDV_Fact.Sheets.Statistics.pdf