Acceptance

He completely destroyed me with six simple words. “I think we should break up.”

I remember living my first day without you. You left me and took my appetite along with every bit of motivation I had towards my future with you. You learned all of my secrets, flaws, scars, and you left. With no hesitation, you were gone; you decided you didn't want to fight for me anymore, you gave up so easily. I didn’t think I would be able to continue with this never-ending ache I felt in my heart every time I exhaled. My stomach would churn every time I thought of you. My thoughts ran so wild, there was no way I could sleep at night. My eyes could tell you the saddest stories without me having to speak a word. I didn’t feel as if I was living life anymore, I was just surviving day by day. I was broken, damaged and fading.

Two weeks went by and we became two empty bodies laying side by side in your bed. I ran my fingers across the veins on your hand and through your hair; although it had only been two weeks, you looked like an entirely different person. I asked you how you were and you said, “great,” so confidently... That’s the moment it hit me; you didn’t care about me, you don’t love me anymore. I looked for signs on your face, for you to miss me, but there was nothing but a meaningless stare. We ended up drinking together and I heard all of your sober thoughts; it turns out that you weren't as careless as I thought. You are just as lost in the sea of emotions as I am. You told me how bad you felt for letting me go, you constantly reminded me to know my worth. You told me I deserved better in a person but I swear to god you were the absolute best. I always said, “you feel like home to me,” until I realized you cannot make homes out of humans, your legs weren’t a solid foundation, your arms were not my walls, you were buckling at the knees and I’m sorry for not noticing you weren’t happy.

Being ignored, seeing you move on happily without me in your life, knowing the attention I once had is now given to another girl really hurts; I crumble into a million tiny pieces. I'm not supposed to need you, want you, or wonder where you are all the time, I know these things, but no matter how hard I fight, you always crawl back into my thoughts. At one point in your life, I was all you had, I was the only person who listened to you and held you when you felt like you couldn't be here anymore and I guess that's why I was so confused when you decided to leave the main beam in your support system behind. I am still here for you no matter how many bruises you left on my heart. I couldn’t possibly forget every sunset and sunrise I saw in your blue-green eyes. I try my best to check up on you every so often but I’m nothing more than a stranger to you now. I get it, I’m no longer a part of you, but I’m here, always.

I’ve accepted that your life is better without me and I’m jealous. I've filled my heart with cobwebs and learned that no heartbeat lasts forever. Lovers burnt out of lust and we must welcome the end to all tragedies, both good and bad. You will find your person who isn't just temporary encounters and broken promises. I'm okay and I know you are too.

I won’t ever wish that our paths never intersected but I wish you would have stayed. "You don't ever forget your first love."

I love you always. Please don't forget about me.