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Some of the best advice my mother ever gave me was, "Honey, never ever fall in love with potential. Because sure enough you will wake up a few years down the road laying in bed next to reality."
She honestly could not have been more right. So often we find ourselves wanting someone so much that we tell ourselves that "Love conquers all," which is not true. Not even slightly is that phrase true. Because love is not a noun. It isn't this solid object sitting there in our hearts. Love is an action word, it is a choice and it is little decisions to be made every single day. So instead of making excuses for the things in that other person that you KNOW don't work for you. Cut it off, go spend your energy hoping to meet someone who will actually be what you want and need. Quit trying to fit people into a box they don't belong in. It is not fair to them, nor is it fair to yourself. It is destined for failure from the start.
It is this simple, for every person you meet, no matter what category they fall in. Friends, family, coworkers, potential love interests... Make a damn decision. Like my daddy always used to say, "Shit or get off the pot." Cut them loose...or commit. You need to ask yourself a few questions and be ready to answer yourself honestly. Can I accept and love this person within their role in my life? Or are there bits of them that I cannot accept? Seriously, it is that simple. Accept people for who they are flaws and all. People do not change, they grow. You simply cannot get mad at people for treating you badly when you have watched them do it to others and you still accepted them into your life. But I digress, I will get to accountability in a moment.
You cannot pick certain parts of someone to love, and reject other parts of them and then wonder why it never works out. People are not projects. You cannot expect someone to change to fit your needs, and in turn you shouldn't have to change who you are to be what they need. Love is a choice. It is a choice to accept someone just as they are into your heart and life. When you make a decision, be informed, be decisive, and commit. Make a choice. Accept them into your life as they are. Or walk away.
Now all of this about acceptance beings me to accountability. Many people place their happiness in someone else's hands. As well as blame their problem on others. We need to take responsibility for our actions, as well as for our reactions. For example, when someone close to you hurts you, do you think to yourself, "I wonder what they could be going through to make them snap like that for no reason," then try to find a way to help them. Or do you think, "Why is everyone always so mean to me when I do nothing wrong," and then try to hurt them back.
It is all about perspective. In this digital age I feel as though the younger generations are growing desensitized and with all the electronic forms of communication it has taken humanity out of them. Where is the empathy? It's all screens and words and no one has to face the reality of the power of their words.
We must step up and start taking personal accountability for not only our actions, but our emotions. When I am upset, I look internally. What is it that made me react in such a negative way to this situation? How can I do better? It is very easy to push it all off on someone else, "He/She made me feel that way and if they hadn't done this/that then I wouldn't have done this/that." Do you know why that is easier? Because then we don't have to face our own faults and flaws.
Self discovery is very important on your path to accountability and acceptance. You have to know who you are, what you want, what you don't. You have to accept that you are imperfect. Take responsibility for your emotions, actions, and reactions. No one makes you feel anything. You chose to indulge in negativity. Or you chose to have empathy, understanding, and hope that people will remember what it is to be human. Not just words on a screen, hurting, hating, arguing.
"Make love, not war."
I promise you this. Make acceptance and accountability a priority in your life and watch as the positivity blooms in your soul.