Accidental Love

I didn't mean to fall for you.

Not really, anyway.

At the time I met you, I had given up on ever finding someone. I accepted the fact that I would probably be forever alone. I didn't want to fall for someone again after the type of suffocating, heart-shattering experience I had with a guy just weeks before.

We weren't even dating when he decided to break me; making me feel like a fool. He tore me apart.

So, completely done with guys and with heartaches, and with everything else that went along with it, I stopped searching. I stopped trying. I stopped dreaming. And hoping. I couldn't put my heart through that pain again. Always searching, but never finding.

The thing is, when I first met you, I wasn't expecting to fall so hard for you.

I thought you were physically attractive, but that was about it. But then, little by little, I got to know who you were as a person, not just as a young man serving a religious mission, who just so happened to be serving in my area, and I found myself starting to fall for you.

At first I tried stopping myself. I was afraid. Afraid that, in the end, this entire thing would end up blowing up in my face all over again.

I didn't think it was right for me to like someone like you, due to circumstances. It's not like I'd be able to do anything about it right away anyway. I didn't want to be distracted by you when I had a ton of other things happening in my already crazy life and, if it came down to you finding out I was falling in love with you, I didn't want you getting distracted from what you were supposed to be focusing on.

It would have been a nightmare if you got transferred out of the area you were serving in because of me, because of my incapability of staying quiet.

But eventually, I gave up.

I realized it was okay for me to like you as long as I stayed where I was and did what I could to not lead you on.

I've liked you ever since. Everyday I love you a little more than the day before. People have tried telling me it was infatuation I was feeling for you. But I know the difference between infatuation and pure affection. This wasn't infatuation. This was something else.

I have never felt so deeply for someone in my entire life. This was fresh. Something new. Something so exciting yet, so hopeful. It's also...intimidating. But for months I have held on to that faith and hope that I have found you. And that we could be together.

So, I've been sitting here, waiting so long for August to arrive where everything changes - where I can actually tell you just how crazy I am for you, and how much I hope, wish, and pray we are meant for each other.

But I realize now that this will be so much more complicated to do than I thought, because I'm not sure how you'll react. I've fallen for you. I want you to know that. However, I'm scared that you'll end up running from me once you know this. Please, don't run. Give me a chance; give us a chance. I've been waiting so long for you - to tell you, to take a chance - and I'm tired. So tired, of being left broken in the end.