Addiction Love

Loving an Addict

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

In today’s day and age, it's hard to find true love. Someone once told me I had to kiss a thousand frogs before I found my prince. I only kissed a few before I found him, only he was younger then I was, and I had just ended a long term relationship. As time passed, I thought about him every so often, even after he had found someone. I felt as though he had always been dedicated. Around the age of 13, he would go out of his way to ask me if his aunt and I were going out. Of course, for me, the awkwardness was that I was 19 years old and not quite into breaking hearts of little boys of that age. It wasn't until he was about 24 years old that I got the chance to see him again; see how handsome of a guy he had grown into. Even then, he'd go out of his way to chat with me. He'd even ask me out every time I'd see him after that. However, I always turned him down. I didn't want to ruin the long term friendship I had with his aunt. It was around this time I started thinking of him every so often. I went two years without seeing him at any of the parties she'd invite me to. I even stopped going after a while to any of the parties. It felt as though I was alone, just sitting there with no one to talk to. My friend would be busy hosting her party, which is understandable. I had gotten invited to one of her parties and I was able to convince my kids to go. Something that night, while I was getting ready, told me to look my best. Who knew that one day he'd become my prince? I wish I could show him my past, my past pain, and the happiness that no one knows of; the happiness I hide from most to see, because I don't want anyone to take it from me. He resides in some of those areas. He is the reason for some of my happiness.

I never knew love until he came into my life. All I can do now is to hold on to this love, even if he's not around, and hope that he will always do the same. This is no fairy tale, but real life, where many of us get no happy ending. This is a life where our knight in shiny armor won't show up on a white horse, where true love's kiss won't wake us up from some poisoned slumber.

This is a life where we struggle to keep what we've earned. A life we are willing to go to war regarding our cherished belongings, and a life where we pray that no one takes away what we love. All we can do is live. Live life to the fullest and never look back at the past that has hurt us. I'm trying to keep a hold of his grasp, but it feels as though his addiction is pulling him further away. It’s as though his addiction is overpowering and taking what little control he has left. He can't see it, but I do. I want him to snap out of this mess he has gotten himself into. I wish I could help him overcome this, and by doing so to the point he won't even look at it, let alone go near it. But he has to want this, and where we're at right now, he's so far from wanting that. For this is no fairy-tale love story, this is real life. 

Deborah Portillo
Deborah Portillo

I'm constantly on the move. If I don't release my thoughts; they will slowly destroy me. I have a personal blog, but there's no money there. So here I am... trying to make at least a buck. 

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Addiction Love