Always Me

Growing Up

I always thought I'd it tough. We grew up with minimal money, we could not afford the best, we did not have the latest "in" materialistic things, back then when I was a teenager they were important. They were the things that set us aside, they got us noticed. I was never grateful for what my parents did for me or my sister, growing up on a council estate with hardly any money it was hard to fit in. I would demand and force my parents in to getting me the latest shoes, trainers, clothes, bags, make up just so I could feel popular. I spent my teenage years sat in a little bubble of socialising with around three people just so I didn't have to deal with the things I did and didn't have.

At one stage the bullying started. I have a skin condition and lets just say, not having much money and walking around with thick, large white scales on my scalp, my face and my body did not help situations.

I refused to go to school, I cried and cried that I just did not fit in and I refused to be somewhere where people could make my life hell and make me scared to be there. I couldn't tell teachers, I would be mad fun of for telling them about people.

I eventually did tell the teachers. Did it help? Not in the slightest. I was the baby, I was a grass, I was bullied further more about the fact that they got called in to the headmasters office for bullying.

Eventually I started school again, I held my head high and decided, no matter what I say or do these people will not change. Why should my education and my social skills be ruined and none existent to bullies.

Then I had a year left and everything changed for the better...

My mum and dad won the lottery, me and my sister got the latest trends. I managed to get through the last year of school being the middle class girl, I was no longer bullied, I got along with anyone and everyone.

Then I left school. Not the best start, I did not stay behind for sixth form or college. I jumped straight in to a holiday cover job that lasted me only two weeks. Eventually after years of being unemployed, doing the trip to the job centre every two weeks I finally got my first break as a Christmas Temp at a clothing shop, I made new friends. I got discount (who doesn't love discount) I finally felt grown up. Then in January 2010 that job ended and I was back to square one again. No job. No money. Nowhere.

May 2010 came around and my mum asked me to join her working in Kos, Greece. I was very nervous at first and then I just thought why not? I have no money, no job, no responsibilities and SUN, everyone loves sun.

I am glad of the decision I made to go, met loads of new people from all over the world. I got a fantastic tan, I lost weight, I felt a million dollars however I just felt this wasn't for me, this is not how I wanted to live my life. I don't want to work two days a week in a different, unknown (to me) country, talking to 30 plus people each time talking about the country I know nothing about. This is the moment my social anxiety came around. I was diagnosed at just 19-years-old with social anxiety, it scared me, I had panic attacks, I was in a different country and I had nobody around me.

I eventually decided after two months I could no longer do it, I wanted to be home. I wanted my comforts, I wanted to be somewhere I knew, I was familiar with. July 2010 came around and I flew back home to start my life back here again.

Months passed of me being unemployed, going through a bad time, constantly going out, being unruly, drinking all the time. Then in February 2011 I got my break. I got a new job, I was given a chance. I was given that trust that I needed.

Summer 2011 was the best and one I will always remember. A fantastic last minute holiday with my best friend, my first holiday alone without my family present. It was brilliant, the best time I ever had.

August 1st, 2011, the day I met the first love of my life, people say does love at first sight exist? I honestly do not know. I had never been in love before, I did not know what it felt like, I did not know if I was in love or whether it was just a crush. We met somewhere a relationship should never start really, a club that opened at 11 am, says it all huh?

Then, that's when things took a completely different turn in my life and the next few years were ones I will never get back...