Am Byth

I can’t remember what made me want to message you. It was almost instinctive, I just knew I had to message you, I had to have you in my life. I wasn’t sure why but I acted upon it anyway. Everything that had happened in my life, lead me to that moment where I found you.

I remember whenever I saw something you’d done or made, I liked it. When I heard from you, I smiled; I don’t even think I was totally conscious of that. We messaged on and off for a while; I even found you popping into my head if I was sad.

As I hit a really bad patch of my life, you made your appearance more, and I recall one day I was off to a friend's house all dressed up and we started messaging. It was almost continuous. I found myself smiling more and more as we talked. Eventually, that conversation led us to say how attracted to each other we were, neither of us ashamed to admit it.

After that, not a day went by that I didn’t hear from you. We talked about everything, learned about each other, laughed and joked. And finally realised, we wanted each other. It hit like a tonne of bricks, but soft bricks... It felt right. It didn’t scare me or shock me. It felt so right the moment you said you wanted to be with me. I would dream of you every night, always look at a picture you sent me as I went to sleep; you became my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. Every time I got a message from you I smiled, no matter what it was.

I suppose I realised I was falling for you the first time I heard your voice. I was so nervous the first time we spoke on the phone, I almost couldn’t do it. As I heard your voice for the first time my heart was beating at a million miles an hour but I was still content. Your voice was like home to me, you felt familiar and homely. I could have known you my whole life.

Then I knew; the first time we saw each other face to face on camera, I knew. I was so scared but so happy to see you. That moment I saw you my heart stopped for a few seconds...

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... I smiled. You. Where had you been all this time, I’ve been waiting for you. I remember how much it meant to me to see you; I could’ve stared at you for hours. I was frozen as I saw the other half of my heart looking back at me. I knew you were the one then.

We first said "I love you" while I was on a trip. My friend who came with me on my trip was fast asleep and finally we said it and my heart was like a drum. Nothing, if I could bottle a memory...

Since then we’ve had bad times, disagreements, debates... I’ve loved you through each one. Even when my heart is breaking... I still love you, because the day we became so close, a void inside me disappeared. All my life I felt a hollow numb empty pain in the space beneath my heart and on that day it was as though it went away and was replaced by your hands, holding my heart up. Even when it hurts, you still hold it.

The fact that even when I’m in pain, thinking of our talks and laughs makes everything easier. Even when we are in a bad place, I know you’re there. All my life I just wanted to find the other half of me, I did. You. Now nothing will part us; time and distance is mere numbers. It is hard but I know every coin we spend, every breath, every second, every tear, every worry will be worth it on the day I hold you, kiss you, and can finally hold your head in my hands, kiss your forehead, and tell you as I look into your eyes that I love you.

Forever is ours and I am yours.

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The day I found my soulmate was just like any other day, but I remember it like it was yesterday because it was the day I found you.

So my love, this is for you.