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So you're bisexual. Or you think you are. Or you've liked a few girls and a few boys and you're just not sure. Or you liked girls and you totally switched to guys but now girls...
Or maybe you're even straight!
I think a lot of us in the bi community have listened to this internal debate for a long time. Am I bisexual... or not? Am I just a very confused hetero? Better yet, a very confused homo? Do I really think I'm bisexual or am I just super duper hormonal...
Yeah, that internal debate.
Sometimes it even extends further as you question your past self; for example the classic: "I was straight before but now I'm bisexual???" Can this debate get any more confusing? Why does sexuality have to be this difficult to deal with?
There's no general right or wrong answer. The internal debate is different for everyone, really. My debate can be drastically different than yours, and vice versa. Identity is such a personal thing. It's like your home. Every person has a different home; symbolic to them. Likewise, everyone has a different identity. No two people are exactly alike. So when figuring out one's identity, the process will be different from one person to another. And guess what? That's truly OK.
Some people have an easier time figuring themselves out while others can take months and years to truly understand themselves. Some people know they fit under a certain category, (like sexuality category,) while others prefer not to label themselves at all. Some people figure their sexualities, identities etc. out by themselves and other people need a little help.
If you're reading this article, maybe you do need a little help. Maybe you're having the debate. Maybe your friend or loved one is having the debate. The classic bisexual debate. Trust me, I know. I've been through it many, many times. Perhaps I can help you. Maybe not. But perhaps.
To start off, here are a few things that I'm going to try to clear up. Knowing these things helped me with my own personal debate, maybe they might help you too. Here are five things to know if you are having difficulty with bisexuality:
1. Sexuality is fluid.
This is probably the number one thing that you should keep in mind when questioning your sexuality. But what does it mean? This term is actually really simple. If you break it down it really just says: sexuality can change. That means that if you feel like you're one thing at one point but you've changed at another, that's okay. That isn't unnatural or strange or unheard of. Most importantly, it likely isn't just a "phase."
If you feel like you're heterosexual, but then you feel like your bisexual, or if you feel like you're homosexual and then bisexual, that's normal. Sexuality isn't just some set in thing with a few hormonal phases here and there. It changes. It really does. Really what I'm saying is, your feelings are to be trusted, even if they aren't what they were before.
2. It's not half and half.
Some people think that bisexuality means that you like boys 50% and girls 50%. While this is possible, it isn't always true. You can be a bisexual and feel attracted to one gender less than the other. The gender you prefer can change too. (Sexuality is fluid, after all!)
When I first started to realize that I was bisexual, I personally felt more attracted to boys than I did to girls. I was attracted to girls nonetheless. This year, I've been feeling more attracted to girls than I have been attracted to boys. Still, I have been attracted to boys. I personally identified as bisexual, even if my attraction to girls and boys were not equal.
3. Being trans / genderfluid does not make you any less bisexual.
This is pretty simple and self-explanatory. If you are trans or genderfluid and you feel like you are bisexual and you identify as bisexual, then you are bisexual! Gender does not equal sexuality.
This goes for pretty much ANY sexuality. Pansexuality, homosexuality, heterosexuality, asexuality, the list goes on.
Again, your gender does not determine your sexuality. You are always welcomed into the bi family, no matter what gender you are.
4. It's okay to not have a label.
While some people like to have a name for their sexuality, some just don't. Some people prefer to not have a label, and just see where life takes them. That's 100 percent okay. In fact, one of my best friends doesn't have a label.
"I'll like who I like and just go with it," she told me the other day. Right now, she's very content being without a label. If you feel like you don't fit any label, you don't need to. We will love you no matter what.
5. Other people cannot tell you how you feel.
Other people cannot tell you how you feel! These are your feelings and your personal identity and other people will try to influence that, but know that it's for your interpretation. If you're bisexual or you know someone that is, then you've probably heard this line coming from someone else's mouth:
"They aren't bisexual, they're just totally confused!"
Or maybe this beauty:
"They are just going through a phase, and they'll sort themselves out eventually."
Then there are the people that say you're being an attention-seeking, drama-starting, fake, dramatic...
Ugh, let's not go into that.
Here's the basic point: If you feel like you are bisexual, if you self-identify as a bisexual, then you are. Even though it is difficult to tune out the pounding of everyone else's opinion, try to remember that they do not decide your sexuality. It's your feelings, it's your identity, it's your call.
Dealing with Sexuality Stuff...
I know it can be really confusing, and it can take a long time to finally figure yourself out. Whatever happens, if you're bisexual or if you're not bisexual, your feelings are still valid. Your attraction, the way you feel love towards other people, it is all valid. If no one else thinks that, then I do.
You have to know that there are people that will love you and cherish you no matter what your sexuality is. If you can't think of anyone that will, then I will love you. No matter who you are.
Also, don't forget our bisexual icons: David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Kristen Stewart, Amandla Stenberg and so many more. They had to go through this debate too, and it was brave of them to come out to their fans.
Whether you're coming out to the world, your family, or even just yourself, know that you'll be okay. Again: You. Will. Be. Okay.
Good luck dear, I love you and wish you the best.