Am I Considered Selfish for Being Needy?

self·ish

adjective (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure

need·y

adjective (of a person) lacking the necessities of life

As humans, it is basic instinct for us to feel the need for something, whether it’s love, a change, or even a new job. First, you have to ask yourself, am I asking for too much? If you are asking your parents for 5k but they won't lend it to you, don’t stop speaking to them. That is an action of a selfish person. But if you are asking your spouse for a glass of water in the middle night are you truly being needy? Usually the ones that overthink too much are the ones that feel like everything they ask for is a burden. These are the people that aren’t used to others doing nice things for them or the ones that have been scorned for “asking too much.” If another individual is making you feel so, just remember a couple things. You are not needy for asking your spouse to be faithful & you are not needy for asking your spouse for honesty.

You should find somebody that gets you a drink when they get a drink for themselves or surprises you with flowers every once in a while. Somebody that goes out of their way just to see your smile. Somebody that treats you like a queen when you feel like a peasant. You are not needy for asking for reasonable aspects in a relationship. Here's how to detect when you are indeed being selfish. If your neighbor is being nice and fetching your mail for you every so often, for instance, don’t become mad when they don’t do it everyday. That is asking for too much. We tend to never ask for too little, it is almost always that we ask for too much. It all depends on the importance of what you need and your reaction once you either get it, or don’t.

If you accept the fact that what you have asked for cannot be done right now, you’re not selfish for just asking a question. It’s when you throw a temper tantrum at twenty years old because your spouse doesn’t stop at that fancy restaurant you like. Instead, you should communicate and express that you are hungry and would like to eat sometime soon before you turn into a raging bitch. Do not expect so much from people because you will be let down. Instead, expect less and be surprised. We do not constantly need nice things. There is fine line between needs and wants. Save the wants, so they don’t turn into needs.

If you feel as if you are being selfish and have that disgusted feeling of guilt, a way to avoid that feeling is by being appreciative. If you feel as if you are being selfish or have been selfish in the past, find a way to show your appreciation, such as daily reminders to the ones that do so much for you by telling them how grateful you are for them and everything they do for you. It may sound silly but you’d be surprised how good it makes the both of you feel. You don’t have to feel guilty for asking all the time; try giving back so when something nice is done for you, you don't have to feel like a burden. Selfish is the last thing any of us want to be called.

Here's to knowing the difference & finding the balance.