Am I Meant to Be Alone?

Do you remember sitting on the playground, minding your own damn business, and out of absolutely nowhere someone comes along and shoves you face-first off the seesaw you were straddling? You meander to the nurse’s office because your face now has wood chips implanted at odd angles. The nurse chuckles and tells you, “Oh sweetie, they shoved you because they like you.” You stare blankly for a moment, giving your grade school brain a moment to process this information. You come to the same conclusion most adults find: How the hell does that make any sense at all?

As a 25-year-old female it disturbs me how much these tactics still apply in the world today. At times, dating feels impossible. Recently, there has been a reoccurring question I have never asked myself until now: Is everybody meant to date someone? What happens if I am meant to be alone?

Before anyone calls Oprah or Dr. Phil, please be assured: I am a “normal” woman, according to society’s standards. I wouldn’t describe myself as someone to stand out in a crowd, but my friends may disagree. I’m 6’1” with a model-like build, which is one of the several reasons that dating apps are impossible for me. Preferably, it’s nice to meet someone through mutual friends, or even at a bar. Have you tried to walk up to a total stranger at a bar? You tap their shoulder, or even come up with something terribly cheesy to say and most of the time, it is followed with them asking you to repeat what you said due to a) not hearing over the music and/or crowd or b) Candy Crush being too distracting on their phone.

Surprisingly, I’ve been seeing someone for a couple of months now, and I am not 100 percent convinced that the dating world is for me. People say “it’s me, not you” all the time on TV and in the movies. 12-year-old me would have called bullshit on that. As a secret hopeless romantic at heart, I believed anything could be worked out through time and communication. Now, 25, I feel more than ever that “it’s me, not you” is qualified ground to place your flag on.

This may be a shout into the void, but: How do you know if you’re not meant to date? For example, I am currently seeing a wonderful human that treats me like a damn princess and I have days that I want to take my skin off and be someone else. I’m not afraid of commitment, but I am a creature of habit, I just genuinely think something might be wrong with me. I like having a friend to spend time with, but most days, I'm overly independent and get annoyed that someone wants to do something as boring as errands with me. This kind of thinking is toxic and convinces me that I am unworthy of love.

So I would like to make a declaration to people who also feel this way:

There is nothing wrong with you. Everyone is trying to figure out who we are and who we want to become. Love is no easy exception from this. There are a lot of fake people in the world today. They care more about how many Instagram followers they have over the genuine human connections they keep in their actual life.

Please read this and be rest assured that at times it is normal to feel like being alone is the best possible option. What is important is that we work on identifying what we can do to better ourselves. The only thing we have control of 100 percent of at the end of the day is how we conduct ourselves. The rest will follow. I have been reading books on the five Love Languages, which I highly recommend, as it helps me to see how others might accept love–and more so, helps me understand why I might enjoy being alone and the kind of love I am most responsive to. (Link Below)

Lastly, let's teach our future someday kids, nieces, nephews, etc. that shoving someone off a seesaw is not a great way to flirt. Knock that shit off. Thank you.