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Am I Ready to Move On?

Breaking up is tough...until it isn't.

What can I say? Disappointing... again. Like every fight, this happened because of friends & drinking. Of course it doesn’t matter in the eyes of a man if you feel neglected. Why would it? He’s alright. He’s out there, after a day’s work (hard work, of course, and he never forgets to remind me) with friends, serving a beer. I’m at home, waiting for him to come and see his child, who at the moment, doesn’t seem more important than booze. Is there anything more important?

Anyway, I’m there, crying because once again I feel let down, and once again, he doesn’t care. But for how long? Will he not care when, after all these years, he’ll come home one day and not find me, nor his daughter. Will he feel fulfilled to know that he’s going to miss all the firsts to come?

I do hope one day he’ll understand how miserable he made me feel and think, at least for one second, at all the times I felt bad and cried myself to sleep because of how bad his words hurt me. I hope he’ll too wake up at night, like I do, replaying in my head all the bad things he said and all the mockery I’ve endured over the years.

How long will I resist? It’s like a race against me. I hope I win... 

Have you ever thought of the life you could have if you chose differently? I always think about the what ifs: what if I had left the first time I wanted to? What if I had walked past him the first time I saw him? It wouldn’t have mattered, I would have ended up with him in the end. This is what’s supposed to happen, I guess. 

One day I, too, will be able to enjoy every second of my life, I’ll only cry with tears of happiness, I’ll have someone who’ll be dying to be with me, will love me fir how I am, with good and bad, someday, maybe... in Utopia... On the other hand what would you choose? Being single for the rest of your life or stuck in a bad relationship? I guess I know what most of us would choose—single, of course. But what about the rest of you? Why would you do that to yourself? Do you really feel you don’t deserve better? Oh, but you do. There’s always better and you do deserve to be treated fairly. If you couldn’t find the courage to move on, now’s the time. 

Have you ever lived that life where everyone around you thinks: O, what a nice and perfect couple you are! You are perfect for each other!

But you’re not... no one knows what’s going on behind closed doors... and who can you tell? You don’t even want to admit it to yourself. You‘re not gonna go around letting people down , telling them that happily ever after is really a fairy tale and break their hearts, because according to them, you are the perfect example of happiness. So you don’ just suffer in you own little world and hope for better... But does it get better? No... I know it, I just can’t accept it... until I will. And gone I’ll be then. So, until then, enjoy torturing me. Make me suffer! But darling, I hate to break it to you: Karma’s a bitch and you won’t like it when it’s going to f**k  you in the “back”.  

This is not about my situation, but of a dear friend who’s been in this situation for many years. She had the courage to leave and she’s very happy and living life to the fullest. 

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