An Apology Without Change...

I’ve got people that still think I’m the same person that I was before. A part of me doesn’t blame them. I look back now and see the way that I acted. How I treated them. It was toxic, annoying, and definitely uncalled for.

I remember someone telling me that they thought I was manipulating them. Although that was not my intention, they were right. Now I can see where they are coming from. I acted so nasty to certain people and I’ve lost friendships because I didn’t see what I was doing.

I was picking fights because my anxiety was getting the best of me, then expecting the other person to not get mad. I was telling someone I hated them and then not meaning it all because I was upset, and only talking about my problems, and rarely asking the other person what was going on in their life.

I expected them to forgive me and still want to be my friend after I apologized. But an apology without change is just manipulation. Though, I am proud to say that I am not the same person anymore. I’ve changed and I keep trying to better myself everyday.

I know their thoughts about me will probably never change and that’s okay. I have to accept that. I still care about them and wish them the best because that’s who I am. That won’t ever change about anyone, even if they aren’t in my life anymore. Some of those people were good to me. I just pushed them past their limits. Which every good person has, remember that!

And I know it is too late, but if by chance they read this, I hope they know how sorry I am. I know how wrong I was. No, I am not saying that I expect them to forgive me, or decide to give me another chance. I’m just admitting that I was at fault, and after so long, I still feel bad about it.

The moral of the story is that you can’t take people for granted and treat them poorly, but still expect them to love you and be there for you. They will eventually get tired of it and walk away. Nothing justifies your actions. So hopefully you will open your eyes and see that before it is too late. We all make mistakes, but sooner or later you got to make a choice. If you continue to treat people that way, you will end up alone. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s reality.

Treat the people you love like the way you want them to treat you, it's the golden rule that we all learned as a kid. Because one day they might not be there, and they might not come back.

Also, if people have made up their mind about you, that’s okay! Some people aren’t always meant to stay in your life forever. You know who you are and that’s all that matters. I know it sucks and it hurts, but the right people will always be there. It’s about quality not quantity.

You can still care about those people and cheer them on from the sidelines, but that doesn’t mean they need to be in your life. It’s okay to miss them, but you have to move on. Don’t let the past control you. It’s not healthy and you aren’t going to be happy.

“When you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better.”—Solange Knowles

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk! Until next time.