An Open Letter to My Ex-Best Friend

Dear ex-best friend,

It's taken me a long time to finally sit down and write this. A lot of heartache, anger, and sadness occurred before I could finally find clarity as to how this all played out.

Sometimes I forget how we got here. We were inseparable and there for each other through thick and thin. From sleeping over for weeks during your bad break-up to driving to my house to kill bugs when I was scared, we really hard each others' backs. We swore that guys would never tear us apart like they had done once before...

And then, you found "the one." I was thrilled for you. He made you smile again and made me feel that I was still important in your life. I didn't mind being the third wheel with you guys because I loved seeing you so happy, and despite what others started to think, I was never jealous of your situation. I wasn't jealous you bought a house or got a dog or any of that. I was so happy that summer...

I was happy you had made new friends as I was with my new adventures. I was happy that despite how things were changing, you invited me to join in. I was happy until that changed, and you started to change. You would cancel plans with me because you were strapped for cash, but the next day, you'd be at the bar with your new friends. You would start to not show up when you said you would. You started to have more important things to do, but they weren't more important than your new friends, just me.

You know, you advocated for me to know my worth. You hated how that guy was treating me, and you told me to never accept what I didn't deserve. You tried to talk me out of it over and over because of how awful he was. You told me I didn't deserve to be treated like I was second best... and that's when I realized that I was no longer your best friend. I wasn't even second best in your life anymore... third, fourth, maybe even further down the line.

I stepped back from our friendship to save myself. You didn't see that I was hurting because the many things happening in my life I wanted to share, but I felt you didn't care. You didn't see that I wanted to you, but talk all of this through with you, but you made it so hard because I knew you didn't see how you did anything wrong. You didn't see anything because you were so wrapped up in the new things in your life that you forgot who was there for you when things weren't happy...

In many ways, I know this is partly my fault. I should have told you that you were making me feel worthless. I should have told you so much sooner that I was sad and angry over how things were handled. It got out of hand quickly to the point we couldn't repair. This has affected me in more ways than you know, but in a way it helped me learn to stand alone and in those moments of being alone, I found myself and I found the man you always hoped I would meet.

Over a year has gone by, and I am finally coming to terms with the end of our friendship. Although I won't be a part of it, I want you to know I am truly glad your dreams have come true. I will always be thankful for the memories and for your help to get to where I am. I wish it didn't have to be this way, and I hate that this has caused me to miss so many things: our friend's wedding, celebrating your engagement, and many things to come in the future...

I'm so sorry that I couldn't be your person past when you needed me. I guess when it boils down to it: "Some people come into your life for a reason, some a season, and some a lifetime. No matter how long, be thankful for the gifts you received from them, but know when it's time to move on."

-Your ex-best friend.