An Overactive Mind: Relationship Kryptonite
An on-going look at how my brain functions are totally sabotaging my chances at love.
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When a well educated professional who respects the women and men around him tries to form relationships, he limits himself to being analogous with the stereotypical “good guy.” When he puts himself out there, its often really out there and it’s quiet off-putting. Now combine that with the mentality that everything that a man says must represent some sort of societal masculine power fetish, and you’ve basically got the set up to an entire generation of men who suffer from anxiety and poor self image.
When I first realized that my brain didn’t quiet work the same way as the other guys around me, I took it as a sexuality thing, blamed my lack of dating girls to the fact that maybe I wasn’t meant to date them. So like any logical person, I experimented with my next option. Which yielded basically the same results, and no matter what society wants generations to think now a days, it's far from physical appearance that drives how these relationships hold. So I flip-flopped around for years trying to figure out why I couldn’t have a legitimate relationship with a woman or a man. Then it finally dawned on me. I’m too smart and analytical to appear like the “typical male ideal” so women would assume I’m interested in men, much like the “typical gay man.” But I’m too disconnected and brunt to be the “typical gay man” that men would be looking for so they would often assume I like women.
Sexuality crisis aside, I found myself in a strange limbo where I’m not masculine enough for women but I’m not feminine enough for men either. It wasn’t until I met my current best friend that I finally had a reason for what was going on. She introduced me to the personality psychology of Myers-Briggs and helped to “type” myself. After tests and intense introspection, I was finally aware of how I function more or less. Thanks to a handy little chunk of my personality, known as Ne (Extroverted Intuition) my brain jumps the gun on everything, often coming to conclusions far before the other person can even begin to formulate their initial thoughts.
My brain is one of those cheap idea generators you use when taking a creative writing class thats set to Automatic, with no stop button.
Women then notice my ability to pick up subtleties and analyze them so quickly as a sign that I am on some sort of similar caliber of mental capacity as them and immediately flag me as someone who doesn’t find interest because that is a quality that is only apparent in other women or gay men.
Gay men on the other hand notice that I don’t possess the same finesse and response that they are most used to, my rashness and straight-foreward (no pun intended) thought process strike them as something they onyl often find in straight men. This flags me as someone who doesn’t possess the emotional capacity to date another man with extended emotional ability.
So then, what should someone of my situation do?
My only answers that I can come up with are go against my nature and stop over analyzing my female counterparts, go against my nature and take even more time analyzing and developing hyper emotional response similar to my male counterparts, or do neither and develop no romantic relationships.
A Lose/Lose situation in all respects, this is the burden of the Male ENFP, the burden of being a walking talking relationship kryptonite.
And yet, I still attempt to pursue women with my current predicament. Something about my overactive brain tells me that eventually it’ll work in my favor.
About the Creator
Taylor Bird
Im a 20, almost 21 year old man, who’s over active mind and interest in the way the mind works often outcasts him. I’m still experiencing the world, but I have more than my fair share of wisdom to share with the world at large.
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