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One day I received a friend request on Facebook from a man named Luis. I did not think twice when I pushed accept since I would accept every friend request someone would send me. He soon messaged me asking if we could play Call of Duty together since it was my favorite game. When we first talked we instantly clicked and our friendship soon became a relationship. Both of our parents thought our relationship was inappropriate since I was 15 and he was 18. They told us we were not allowed but we soon began to date in secret. I thought I found my soulmate but all I found was an abusive, manipulative man. In this analysis, I will be analyzing mine and Luis' relationship from beginning to now.
While going through the initiating phase, he treated me like a queen. It wasn't until the bonding and differentiating stage I saw who he truly was. It started off with small petty fights but it would escalate soon after. Since we were unable to see each other, we had a long-distance relationship even though we lived in the same town. Being in a long-distance relationship, communication was what we relied on. I would talk on the phone and Skype him every day behind my parents' back. My love for him grew every time I talked to him. I was head over heels for Luis but he was not for me. I had to constantly tell him where I was, who I was with, what I was doing, and why I was there. I thought this was true love since he cared about me and my safety but it was the start of the abuse.
Almost every day he would call me at 3 AM, stoned and drunk. He would tell me how much he loved me and that I was going to be his wife. The sound of his tired voice was comforting and helped me sleep every night. If I didn't answer the phone he would call until I eventually did. When I did not answer because I was tired or got my phone taken away I would get endless voicemails of him screaming at me. I would wake up panicking and call him telling him how sorry I was for it. It was not good enough for him and he would ignore me until he felt I learned my lesson.
One day I forgot my phone at home and went to go play hockey with my brother Tony. When I came back, my phone had over a hundred missed calls and text messages from him. "I'm sorry, babe. I left my phone at home! I was playing hockey with my brother," I told him. "Did you have fun ignoring me?" he asked me. I told him sorry many times but he did not care and kept telling me how stupid I was because what teenage girl leaves her cellphone at home? I cried because I have been called stupid by everyone I loved all my life. He told me he was sorry for his short temper and that he would never call me stupid again. I forgave him and we went back to being boyfriend and girlfriend.
I was not allowed to go out and if I did he would text me the entire time making sure I was where I said I was at. I went to Riverside for a family dinner. He got angry with me because I supposedly did not tell him about it when I did a week before. He told me that I was lying and that I was cheating on him with someone else. I cried and told him no, took pictures with my family, and made one of my cousins talk to him on the phone to ensure him I was there. He again called me a liar and told me he was going to break up with me. I begged him for almost two days to stay with me. I had to say I was nothing without him and that I needed him in my life since no one else was going to love me like he did. I did exactly what he wanted and said it. We were finally back together and I was the happiest girl alive.
It was a week before my sixteenth birthday. He was being distant with me and I did not understand why. He ensured me nothing was wrong and that he loved me very much. A day before my birthday he calls me and tells me he has a girlfriend that he met at a party. I begin to cry and ask what I did wrong. He told me that I was not telling him everything and that he found a girl that he could actually see and not waste his time on. I became heartbroken and wanted to give up on life. My friends did not like him since he did this often. Every time he did it I would always run back to him because that's what I thought love was. Three weeks later he calls me explaining what he did was wrong and asked me for my hand in marriage. I said yes and I couldn't have been any happier.
I started my Junior year of high school. I decided to take a mariachi class so I could get in touch with my culture. While sitting there with my friends a new face walks into the classroom. I took one look at him and it was love at first sight. I began to question my relationship with Luis soon after. I knew our relationship was toxic and Luis was abusive. It took me over a year to realize this. I wasn't sure how I was going to get out of this relationship since he said if I left him he would kill me. The way Alex carried himself and treated others made me fall for him even more. His smile is what broke me to forget Luis. I befriended Alex behind Luis' back. I started to hang out with Alex soon after and we became really good friends. He treated me how a man should treat a woman. I knew whenever I talked to him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
The day I broke the news to Luis that I was done with him was the day I became a woman again. I did exactly what he did to me a month before. "I have a boyfriend that I met at school. He is a beautiful person and actually treats me like a man should with a woman," I told him. "You just ruined the best thing you will ever have in your life. All you are is a whore that lied to me this entire time. I was banging four other girls when I was your boyfriend anyway," he screamed at me. I should have hung up the phone but I had a few more things to say. "You are a liar. You abused me for over a year and my dumb self still went back to you. I wish I never met you but I'm glad I did so I can warn others how much of an abusive psycho you are!" I screamed at him back. I then slammed the phone and never looked back.
Me and Alex started to date soon after and are now going on six years together. Luis has yet to obtain a girlfriend since then. Just recently he came back into my life. My cousin Alice started to talk to him. I told her how abusive he was but she did not care. He would take her on dates and buy her things. To me, this was his way of saying that, "This is what you could have had." I knew he dated my cousin just to make me jealous. I was far from feeling jealous. I'm living my life to the fullest with my soon to be husband. My cousin is currently living with him pregnant with another man's child.
This relationship was a waste of time and incredibly toxic. The relationship ended because I was tired of being treated like an object. We both have a strong personality and together it was not going to work out since his was stronger than mine. Even though Luis has scarred me for life, I'm glad I was able to experience this relationship so I could tell my story to others. Sometimes it does not matter how much you communicate or if you give 100 percent. If your partner is abusive, biased, and manipulative you cannot change the way they communicate or perceive your message.