And All that Could've Been

It started out so innocently. A girl meets a boy online. They talk daily. Not only over the phone, but video calls as well. They live over a thousand miles apart. Years go by and they continue with their usual ways. They wake up, text here and there, and at the end of the day they make their calls. Telling one another they love each other. The feelings are strong between them.

But one day it all stopped. One day when he found a girlfriend. One day he just became a stranger. So she moved on. She married, moved to a new state, and had a daughter with her husband. After 5 years of marriage, she was abused. She moved back home and started over again. Only this time, she had a child to care for.

Moving forward, she found others but they never worked out. No one was ever good enough. No one lived up to the expectations she had. People thought her stuck up, rude, or just plain awful. What they didn't realize, she was heartbroken. That love she felt for the boy online just couldn't be matched with anyone else. She didn't know what it was that made him so special, but she was sure she would never find it again.

Four years go by. He reappears. Suddenly, she felt all the things she thought she'd never feel again. She felt alive. He was attending a concert just one state over and only a few hours away. So they finally decided it was time to meet. After so many years and miles apart, it was finally happening.

The time came to meet. They met half way from her home and where he was staying. She had never felt so full of light before. At the end of the night, he wanted to take pictures with her. He pulled her to the side of a building in the old abandoned town they'd met at. They took several pictures and then he turned to her. Eyes glowing and wearing this nervous look on his face.

He leaned in. He went for it. He finally got to kiss her. She felt a jolt of electricity shoot from her lips and slowly move its way down to her toes. In that moment, he was all that mattered. Time stood still for a few short seconds. But then it was time to go.

So they went their separate ways again. Not knowing if they'd ever see one another again. She held those moments tighter than anything before. When she arrived home, they came up with the plan to see him again before returning to his home state. She'd meet him again before the concert and stay the night.

The day rolls around. She anxiously drives 4 hours to a hotel in Texas just to be with him. Nothing could have been more perfect. At least, that's what she thought then. They spent so much time together in Texas. Almost every waking moment. She'd never wanted to stay awake for anything the way she did for him. But she knew the time would soon be ending again.

He left the next day for home. She drove back to her home with a feeling of dread lingering over her like a dark cloud. It was late when she got back, so she decided to just go to bed. But she couldn't sleep. She had so much on her mind and was so scared she'd forget everything.

So she wrote a poem.

"I lie here wondering what the future will hold. Staring at the dark ceiling until the pale light of the morning sun peeps through my curtains. I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him. I can't even sleep without dreaming of his face and the way things could have been. But even in my dreams, the reality is present. Hovering over me like a dark cloud ready to pour down on me. I've never longed to be with someone so, but the miles keep us apart. As do our responsibilities.

It's such a cruel reality to live in. One where the closest thing to holding him lies in a phone screen. I'm left to my imagination and memories of the times we've been together. Left to remember the softness of his lips as they pressed against mine for the first time. I'm responsible for remembering the electricity that shot through my body when he first held me in his arms. But what happens when I can no longer remember what it feels like?

I don't want to forget."

A few weeks pass by and neither of them could take it anymore. They had to be together again. So they met somewhere in the middle. He flew, she drove. They got to experience a whole new place together. Snowy mountains, famous hotels, and tasting whisky from local distilleries. It was truly magical. They both felt so at peace. On the last day of the trip, they knew it would be hard to say goodbye again. So they didn't do much but spend as much time together as possible. The next morning she took him to the airport. They sat there holding one another like it might be the last time they had a chance to. Then he was gone.

They continued talking. Telling each other they loved one another. That they'd never felt this way before. The more time went on, the harder the distance got for them. Until one day, her friends mentioned a road trip for the Fourth of July. It just so happened they were going to the last place she met him. So a plan formed. Two days after she would arrive there with her friends, he'd join them. And he did. It wasn't the most pleasant experience for either of them with her friends around. By the last day of the trip, they decided she would return home with him this time.

She was ecstatic. She would fly in her first airplane, visit the place she'd always wanted to visit, and best of all spend more time with him. They arrived. He took her snorkeling because of her love for the ocean, to Disney World, a concert, his favorite club, and showed her so many wonders. She finally felt as though everything was perfect.

But we all know nothing is ever perfect. When she returned home, something wasn't right. He wasn't happy, he was withdrawn. He started questioning if it was all worth it. The time, the distance, and the feelings. He began pushing her away and becoming suicidal. Until one day he requested she proved she cared by buying a plane ticket back out to see him. So she did because she loved him. She wanted to show him she would do absolutely anything to be there for him.

Things were looking up. They were counting down the days until her flight. All of the sudden, it got rocky again. Two days before her flight, she received a Facebook message. He wanted her to cancel her flight and get her money back. He told her it just wasn't working and he just wasn't happy. Then it was all over. Everything before that moment was now suddenly irrelevant to him. She couldn't understand why.

She spent many days crying and wanting to forget. Until one day. She finally saw why he had left her. He'd decided to pursue someone else that he'd told her was not a threat. Someone he told her was not even a friend. It was like a bomb was just sat off in her chest. She'd never felt so betrayed in her life. All she could think were these few words.

"His love was so sweet, but at the end of the day there was a sour taste on the tip of my tongue. I should have known he'd be the poison that would one day kill me."

She will never know what could have been or even if she will ever love again. She still clings to a bit of hope, though. Hope that one day he'd come back around and admit he was wrong. She knows the love she had for him will never fade. Even though it was one-sided, it was still true love on her part.