Approval Not Needed

I have no idea how I want to start this entry. I've tried several times to find the right intro but perhaps because what I really want to say is so important about self-worth and standing confidently in your skin, I should just come right out with it. Nothing is more effective I find than straight forward talks.

So let's get on with it then. The other day I was having a very good conversation with one of my friends. We were talking about relationships, and of course, began to discuss our own hypothetical situation. I wanted to make a point of talking about how often times we allow others to influence so many of the situations we find ourselves in. How we allow others to cause us to questions ourselves and our choices.

This was particularly important because I am a heavily tattooed female. Although tattoos are becoming more popular in society, there are still plenty of people that don't agree with it. Me personally, I am no stranger to the low volume criticism, and the judgments made solely based on my appearance and not actually getting to know me in any manner. I have learned to educate others or ignore it altogether. When I began getting, I never thought I would get this tattooed or that I would ever work in that industry and now here I am. Heavily tattooed and a former body piercer I have learned to become comfortable in my skin and who I am. I knew the amount of attention I would receive. The amount of questions and unwanted touching by strangers. I knew what was going to happen to me and I was prepared for that.

Now, this is not always the case for whatever person I become involved with in my personal life. Sometimes the scrutiny is too much for the other person. It was something I had never thought about before or prepared for. So I brought up this point, and the reason is that I still need a cheerleader no matter how comfortable I am. We all do right? So I brought up the fact that although he has tattoos, he still doesn't look as tattooed as myself. How would he handle what other people had to say about it?

I have faced this situation before and the person I was with couldn't handle what other people had to say. People who had nothing to do with us. Now, why would I care? I care because eventually, the stress he felt from strangers about our relationship began to spill over into our everyday real life. Not the picture perfect one he pretended to live on his social media accounts. It began to create issues between us and then I began to question my own worth. I began to wonder am I enough. This is where the "cheerleader" comes into play. Even though normally I know who I am and I'm comfortable with who I am, his insecurities began to affect me too.

So I brought all this up to my friend, and again I asked how would he handle it. I couldn't have asked for a better answer than the one he gave me. He simply and beautifully said... they don't matter. This would be about you and me and no one else. We would be living this life together not them. That made me realize that although my self worth and value shouldn't be based on anyone else's opinion of me, having that cheerleader in my corner helps.

Yes, I have learned that no one else determines how I feel about myself except me. No, I don't need anyone else's approval and I am confident in who I am and how I look. I am more than enough. I am intelligent, kind and caring. I am strong because of the trials I have been through. I am understanding and compassionate. I will not let anyone take that away from me ever, but I still need supportive, encouraging people that want to see me grow and become my greatest self. We all do, but most importantly you have to know that you are enough!

Sometimes the people we allow into our life are not the right people for us. Surround yourself with people that want to see you win and love the person you are, but never let anyone let you think you are not enough!

Thank you to my dear friend who reminded me that he is the type of people I want in my life on any level. Friends, lovers, and family just find the ones that make you feel good about you!