Are We a Couple?

I am going to be totally honest when I say that I have never been in a committed relationship before. Twenty years of age and I've been on my fair share of dates but they never went as far as the first, maybe second date if I was lucky. I am completely oblivious when it comes to dating. I have all these questions, like what do you do with them?

A few months ago I handed in my notice at my part time job and made my goodbyes to everyone. I had always been the "single" one at work. Everyone used to give me advice, even Frank, the young-at-heart 50-year-old. "You'll find a gentleman one day," he'd say on a frequent basis. I heard the same advice from different people. "Once you stop looking, you'll find someone." This was usually said whilst I was vigorously swiping on my Tinder app. I never understood what they meant. I mean how can someone just stop looking? Sure I could delete the app, not message those guys who only wanted something casual. Subconsciously though, I would be wondering "What if?" What if my perfect guy is only two swipes away?

One day at work, there were a few new recruits. I instantly asked my team leader if there would be anyone suitable for me. My work was mostly women, or men in relationships, so it was always an exciting time when new recruits joined. His first response was, "There's only one guy, ten years older than you, and is a 'find themselves in Thailand' type." When it comes to guys that I have dated in the past, I have been open-minded. However I always thought that my type would be business-minded, know what they want sort of guy. Hearing that put me off pursuing him, and when I saw him he was the complete opposite of suit-wearing guy. When I first meet a guy, I always think about what my family would say. I love my parents and respect their opinions, and they can be hard to please.

Me and Thailand Tom worked alongside each other for ten months. As I got to know him more, I grew to like him more. He was very intellectual, passionate and free-spirited. We would occasionally pass each other and always shared a cheeky smile, or a high five which would turn into a hand hold. A week before my last shift, I had organised a night out with my friends that I had made at work. I was thrilled to see that he would be there. As the night progressed, so did my sobriety. He ended up making a move and we ended up in lip lock for the rest of the night, but went our separate ways home. During my shifts for the rest of the week, nothing was mentioned about the events of that night and I had come to accept the fact that yet again, nothing else would happen.

On my last day, we were in an area together and he asked if I was doing anything after. Finally! We organised to go for drinks after our shift had finished. We went for drinks and got to know each other outside from work. We then met up for drinks again the next day. As I was in "full time" education (only have lecture three days a week) and now unemployed, I was free all the time. He, however, worked full time with his typical hours being 10 AM until 7 PM. We met up for drinks again later in the week and finally did the deed.

Three months have gone by where nothing has changed between us. Nothing has gotten worse, yet nothing has improved. We see each other once a week, usually after his shift has finished and go out for drinks, which then moves on to something a but more enjoyable. In the first month I would tell people I was "seeing someone" and that I was allowed to date other people without feeling guilty about it. Now three months down the line, it's still the same but with more months added on.

Now when people ask me if I am single, it's hard to respond. I'm not only seeing him as I wouldn't feel right going on dates with other guys, yet we aren't officially a couple either. We don't really talk about how we feel with one another, or if it is only a casual thing. Now all my friends find it frustrating when I say it's complicated. The only reason it is complicated is because I'm too much of a chicken to ask, and because he is slightly more mature than me then I don't want to come across as childish or silly.

Dating is much more complicated than I thought. I always had in my head that things would get easier after the third date it would be easier to talk to someone how I felt, but it turns out that's not true at all!