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Are We Entering an Era of Acceptance of the ‘Unable to Label’ Relationship?

Verity Brown has digested more reality TV in the last 31 days than is healthy for a woman of the same number of years, but was unexpectedly educated and inspired along the way.

By Verity BrownPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Much to my mum’s delight, four weeks after moving back home following 12 years away, she had a daughter who had watched around a miniscule 63 hours of TV in 2017, hooked on Celebrity Big Brother; a programme I would normally scoff at for its anger and ego-filled coverage, tinged with sadness as once-celebrated celebrities sell their soul for a fee that will enable them to cover their repayments on a home that now exceeds their current status.

However, this one was different. It was the “year of the woman,” for starters (whatever that means!). It was filled with intelligent, passionate, passive—for the most part—individuals who all had a story you wanted to listen to and who all contributed to a progressive and fascinating house.

And there it was, glaring me right in the face; an example of a coupling I knew all too well, just in a slightly different vein. The "unable to label" relationship.

An Australian gay man/drag queen and a straight, Sheffield-born, atypical northern lad instantaneously became inseparable. Whilst the rest of the house searched for an identity for the relationship, the two central protagonists simple enjoyed each other’s company. Regardless of sexual orientation, body parts, bedroom desires, the pair became infectiously attached to each other. And not only that, but they were physically inseparable. Tactile. Affectionate. All the things reserved for those “in” a relationship, not just friends—especially two men in Western society.

But what was even more mesmerising about this relationship was that there was love present. Yes, true, heart-warming, unmistakable love. Yet they could never be together. They were like two jigsaw pieces that fit perfectly together, apart from on little part, which meant, even though they can live a life "side by side," they would never be "one." And there was no intention of a metaphor there…

It struck a nerve in me, because I share love with someone I can never spend my life with. It’s a cultural thing. I love this man very much and can never imagine him not being in my life, and I will love this man until my last breath, yet we will never have a relationship that falls into a known category. We will never be "one."

Almost everyone I know is aware of this relationship that I am so blessed to be part of, and have been part of for almost two years. However, it does become tiring trying to explain it to others. People ask with love and concern, yet unless you are relaying your story and emotions to someone who has had a soulmate rip their heart out of their chest and show them the beauty of life on a scale you thought was reserved for Disney Princess films, it is very difficult to explain. And quite frankly, I am exhausted from trying.

Welcome to the era of acceptance of the "unable to label" relationship.

As a society, we have to label. It gives us clarity, it tells us where we stand. It means we don’t make assumptions or errors and, god forbid, experience minor public embarrassment. I have confused many an individual when I rather comfortably explain how I am in love with my soulmate but am also single and dating. Silence and a nervous smile are normally what I am greeted with after that exchange.

These types of relationships are not merely of the romantic vibe. It can even stretch to women that I truly love—those that I call soul sisters. I don’t want to sleep with them, but have a connection so deep, I enjoy their physical touch through hugs and kisses on cheeks and genuinely, with all my heart, love them.

We need to step away from the label. We just need to let life flow more organically, and as long as harm and hurt are not ingredients included in your recipe for love and soulmates, then just go with it.

One day, I will be married. Fingers crossed. And not to the man I share love with now. What will that mean? How will I manage that situation? Will I still communicate with him? Will my love fade? Will I have to share my heart?

I don’t know the answer to any of those. Nobody does. We need to all start living in the present and stop catastrophising events that may happen in years to come. Honestly, the Island of Present is a much nicer place than Dwelling On The Past Highway or Making Up Future Situations Hotel, and if you meet someone who you love but does not fit into the conventional labels that we have imposed upon us, be proud and blessed that you are unable to label.

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