Are You Being Haunted by an Ex?

As if modern dating weren’t confusing enough, now we have a whole new vernacular to decipher. First, there was “ghosting.” For those of you new to my blog, ghosting is when a person cuts off all communication with a person they’re dating with zero warning. So then, it only makes sense that we are now dealing with “haunting.” Once again, I’ve turned to the urban dictionary to define it. Haunting: When someone tries to hit you up after ghosting you. Look, being haunted is not as scary as it sounds, but it will spook you a bit. Luckily for you, it is literally my job to help singletons navigate all this craziness. Here’s how to deal with being haunted.

For Women:

1. It could’ve been bad timing.

It’s possible that the guy that ghosted you was confronted with bad timing. The two of you met, there was a spark, but he ultimately decided to give it another shot with his ex-girlfriend. When that didn’t work out (hey-there was a reason it ended in the first place) he decides to reach out. Maybe he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about you. It's possible the two of you have a connection that shouldn't be ignored. It could be worth it to give it another chance. You just never know unless you try. But be aware of the possibly that…

2. You’re not the only one.

There are those men out there that are so completely pathetic that they simply cannot be alone, not even for a second. He needs a woman for sex or validation or whatever—does it matter? If he’s one of those, you can bet he’s hitting up every chick he’s dated/ghosted/hooked up with. Trust your gut instincts to see if this might be the case and please, don’t take the bait.

3. Value yourself above all others.

If you truly love yourself from the bottom of your heart, then you could never in your wildest dreams put up with any sort of disrespect from anyone, including men. If you find yourself contemplating giving a man that treated you horribly another chance, take a hard look in the mirror. What you need is to work on loving YOU. You're better off alone than with someone who doesn't truly value all that you have to offer.

For Men:

1. You’re not immune.

It would be unfair to say that women are the only ones getting haunted. It happens to men too. I’ll give you the same advice I gave the women, it could’ve been bad timing and maybe you should give it another shot. After all, there may be plenty of single people in the world, but how many do you come across that you actually have a real connection with? Don’t be a stubborn fool and let her be the one that got away. Or…

2. Maybe she got dumped.

There are those women out there that have very low self esteem and need constant validation from anyone in order to feel pretty/smart/desirable. It’s possible that she got dumped and her self-worth is on the bottom rung and she’s hitting you up just to get some attention. Be aware enough to tell the difference between the two. Sometimes the best respond is NO response.

3. People change.

Time changes people, it's true. I wasn't the same person I was last year or even yesterday. I once ghosted a guy years ago (after one date) because I thought he was boring. The only problem was that I ended up slightly boring myself years later, and I would now prefer to date a stable, genuine and loyal man as opposed to a party boy. Alas, as many hints as I’ve dropped he has yet to ask me out on a second date, and I don’t blame him. But trust me, I haven’t lost any sleep over it. I truly believe that what’s meant for you, will never pass you by!

4. Get the TRUTH.

So if you DO decide to give her another chance, sit her down and demand to know the truth. The most real, genuine relationships are based on complete trust, openness, and vulnerability. You deserve to know why she ghosted you in the first place in order to move forward. If you can’t get the truth, then you know what to do. Ghost her.

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