Are You Falling in Love with His Potential?

It’s a common wish among women. Some of us even daydream about it. For some lucky women this happens. They find that man or that man finds them, and they ride off in the sunset. For others, you find yourself involved with toads. When you meet them, they look like a prince, but once you kiss them they turn into ugly, green toads and make you wonder where the prince disappeared to that you first met.

Meeting Mr. Right takes some effort and it takes a few toads to kiss to find that prince. We have to watch for those red flags and act accordingly. Listen to your intuition; it talks to us for a reason.

One lesson I have experienced and have seen other women be involved in is being with a man who is still trying to find his way. A man who is still trying to find that career he wants, living with his mother, or just having a little trouble getting on his feet. There is nothing wrong with a man with potential. You can see it in him. He just needs a supportive woman to help him out while he gets himself together. His aspirations are to get to the level that you have reached. You feel like you can build a life together.

What you will find yourself doing is now helping this man reach his full potential. The focus on the relationship is how do you help him get that degree, get hired, and buy that house? YOUR money, YOUR time, YOUR sacrifices you will have to give in order to do this. This is called falling in love with potential. He is now a project. A science experiment. Let’s figure out how to get him on your level. You're falling for what you want your ideal man to be. Not the man you are with right now.

After a certain age, a man should already have his degrees, career, and his own place. If you meet a guy who is in his late 30s still trying to figure out life, you need to run in the other direction. This shows instability, drive, and lack of motivation. Men with these qualities should be on your Do Not Date list. If he hasn’t figured it out by now, what makes you think all he needs is you?

I hear many women say, “I’m just going to help him get himself together. And we can build together.” I have a friend who always went for this type of guy. She has a Master’s degree, awesome job, and is doing well for herself. She always wants to help her boyfriends get jobs and cars. One boyfriend, she was trying to help him get enrolled in community college. Which is all find and dandy. However, he was was 37 years of age. Her explanation is she can help them get on her level. “Let’s win together!” Why not already just be with someone who is already “winning”? And no, this is not thinking like a gold digger. Gold diggers go after money and nothing else. This is just making sure you are with an upstanding guy that not only can handle himself but take care of business when it’s time for a wife and family.

Meeting a guy who already has his own shows he is responsible, hard working, and determined to make sure he can supply all of his needs. From the money in his pocket to the roof over his head. He has it together and needs no help from you at all. This is what you need. A man will never be happy until he has all that together. Career, job, and a home. Until then, he is not ready for a wife. How can he be ready when he can’t provide for you? A man is supposed to be able to provide for his family. How can he do that when he is trying to focus on getting himself together? You are prepared, but he is not.

The key to all of this is water seeks its own level. You have to find a man that can bring to the table the exact same things you can bring. If you have a college degree, a mortgage, and a bank account with five or six digits; no shame in asking for the same. You have to get with a man when all that is missing is the woman. He has everything in line. The only piece to the puzzle he is needing is you.

This might sound a little harsh, but I know there are many successful women that would agree. There is no shame in a man figuring things out late in life. However, there isn’t anything wrong with wanting a man who can already support you emotionally, financially, and physically starting from date one.

Sit at that table and see if he can fill up his side as much as you put on yours. Will it be worth it? If he isn’t your ideal man right now, don’t gamble your time trying to make him to be. Is it worth you working that hard to upgrade him, or already being with an upgrade? You decide.