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Looking back at my relationships, I can honestly say each guy I dated would agree that I gave my all (I would say that I love hard, but I'm starting to think that everyone either loves hard or not at all). Like many women, I saw myself being a wife to whoever the lucky guy was at the moment. Even when I knew deep down we didn't belong together, I tried to be an amazing girlfriend. What is an amazing girlfriend you ask? Well I'll be happy to run down the list: understanding, supportive, honest, helpful, considerate, compassionate, aiming to please... you know, A Wife!
I know I'm not the only woman who has been a wife to a boyfriend. Recently I found myself toying with the idea of... why? Why would I be so willing to give a guy so much of me and fight for the half-ass love I was getting in return? In my mind I saw the love life I wanted and desperately tried to create it in each and every dating scenario I had. From buying former flames matching J's to creating a masculine Valentine's Day gift filled with everything he liked, including a few pics of me in his t-shirt. Then it dawned on me, I was so committed to giving them the best relationship experience of their life that I didn't take the time to see what they were committed to showing me. Even throughout the relationship when I tried to give second chances and be understanding, I was playing myself. I fought for them to let me show them love, but I did not fight for the commitment I desired, because deep down I really didn't think I deserved it. Here's why I say that...
DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU'D HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU. One thing I did not understand about life was the way people CHOSE to treat one another. I always figured if someone was good to you, you'd be good to them. Makes sense right? Well, plenty of people weren't "good to me" and it left me baffled. As a recovering people-pleaser, I never did anything malicious or vindictive, so when I was betrayed, lied to or mistreated, I always assumed that they didn't see enough in me to love and respect. Leaving me to conclude others didn't think I was worth committing to.
SELF-AWARENESS. Looking at society today, I can recognize the crown hovering about my head waiting for my acknowledgement in my early 20's. Back then, I didn't think there was much different or special about me. I felt odd and overlooked. Two things I still feel at times today, but trust me I see the blessing in it. Without understanding who I was as a woman, I didn't know my power or my right to be completely comfortable in exactly who I was even as I was constantly changing. I figured I was simply doing things wrong. Once I got them righ,t like the rest of the women who seem to have men eating out the palm of their hand, then I'd experience this "happy ending" I'd been searching for. [Disclaimer: Those girls were big frontin' and as unhappy as I was or worse. Life is not about ending happy but about LIVING happy. It was all hype]
FINISH STRONG. Piano, Spanish, and Cycling. These are all things I started and never finished. I figured why do an entire hour of cycling when I could push myself for about 30 minutes and then you know, just stop! I was so comfortable dropping something once the lure of accomplishing it went away. I didn't actually go hard for myself like I went hard for others. It was okay that I let me down. I was treating myself just as others had. Not realizing my future self is worthy of me sticking to my word even when I don't feel like it. Had I committed to the type of love I wanted, I wouldn't have experienced those heartaches. Had I committed to being okay with who I was and how I felt, I wouldn't have allowed anyone to change my behavior. And had I been committed to myself, my legs would be a lot more toned and I could have been the best Spanish love song singing pianist there ever was! (It could have happened okay!) If I have never committed to myself, how can I sincerely expect someone else to do it?
Yes. The answer to the question posed in the title is yes! You are worthy of the commitment. But me telling you that means nothing if you don't believe it yourself. When you know your worth, you move different. Everything does not get you emotional. You leave relationships when homie starts acting like he is anything less than blessed to have you. You invest in yourself while keeping your eyes on the price. (Shout out to all my single moms in school, start/building a business and gunning for that promotion. DO work Queens, I'm hella proud of yo dopeness!) Commitment is all about doing what you said you would do even when the feeling you had when you first said it is gone. Commitment may not be easy, but it is worth it and you are worth it. So tell me, what is something you are committing to today to better your tomorrow? And "nothing" isn't an option. If you're reading this, you riding that vibe like you part of my tribe and we do work! Side-Note: it's not a literal tribe. I need one though. Tribe wherever you are, come find me! End Side-Note: Queen, go show the world how worthy you are. But most importantly, show yourself. And please, please, please, don't tilt your crown.