Arranged Marriage

Arranged marriage is a subject about which people hold strongly contrasting views. Arranged marriage is when two strangers marry by the agreement of their parents or guardians. In some countries, especially Asian countries, arranged marriage is quite strict. For example, the bride and groom cannot see each other's faces till the night of their marriage.

There are many against for arranged marriage such as; being abused, rate of divorces increasing, arguments and, the most horrifying, is murder. Manjali Bhagwandas was married, at the age of 18, to a man that Manjali’s parents selected, who was 21 years old and named Rakesh and, as part of the wedding ceremony, the bride’s family had to give a dowry to the groom’s family, which was black and white television, jewelry, a cabinet, and utensils. After two months of her marriage, Manjali’s husband came from work, then showered and went for a walk. After returning back home, he came and started hitting Manjali repeatedly and walked off without saying a single word. Manjali soon took a stand against it when she knew that she had to not only for herself but also for children. “Manjali Bhagwandas struggled with domestic abuse for nearly 14 years of her marriage”

However, being abused is not the only argument against arranged marriage. The rate of divorce has also increased. In 2012, the average rate of divorce globally on arranged marriage was 4% and global divorce rate of arranged marriage is 6%.

Arguments happen in all sorts of marriages but are arranged marriage arguments different from the rest? In a way they are. The factor which affects the most is the trust factor, as couples are less likely to spend time together before marriage to know each other’s likes and dislikes and attitudes, so therefore couples take time to develop love, which leads to arguments.

It is horrifying that arranged marriage can lead to murder. In some countries, divorce is unacceptable and the girl’s reputation is going to be spoiled. The bride’s family could not take this risk. For example, my cousin, called Jamuna, got married after a discussion of relatives to a man whom she did not know. She was not from a rich family and her mother died when Jamuna was very young. She was brought up with her father and later he got married, as he could not manage alone with three children. The first few months of Jamuna’s marriage were fine, but later the man started pressuring Jamuna for a dowry. Soon, marriage turned into abuse and everyday she would have a new scar on her body. He later called Jamuna’s father and threatened him to either fulfill his wishes for a dowry or take his daughter back home. In an Asian culture, after a women is married, it is a big burden to take a daughter back home as society talks a lot about the couple. Later, things got worse and the husband started having a physical relationship with his late brother’s wife to make his wife jealous, and day by day he tortured her in any way possible more and more. Suddenly one morning, he talked really nicely to Jamuna and said lets go out. Jamuna went happily as it was a surprise for her that her husband was behaving normally with her. She went that morning and never came back. We looked all over the village. A few days passed and even the police could not do anything as everything was done, but no one could find her. It was just as if she suddenly disappeared. However after a week a man started smelling something when he was around the jungle to get his goats. He looked here and there, but could not find anything. Suddenly, when he was about to head back home, he noticed a big garbage bag and soon called the whole village. As they opened the bag slowly, they got a really bad smell and soon saw Jamuna’s body, which was all swelled up and unrecognizable. We later found out that the husband strangled her and therefore went back and put poison inside of her, which later killed her. It was also to claim that she killed herself and it was not his fault in anyway. The law in Nepal is not stable, so Jamuna’s husband got out by paying money to the police and later ran away. Jamuna still has not got justice. It had been nearly four years since this incident happened and no action has been taken. Jamuna’s father still goes to court hoping one day he will win the case and get justice for his daughter. This shows that not all arranged marriages can be successful, even though a few months can be good. Later, families and parents start abusing each other, which can lead to a horrific end to the relationship.

Although there are many problems in arranged marriage, there are also many positive factors for arranged marriage, such as risk of incompatibility (differences) is less, it offers more protection and security and parents are there for guidance. The risk of incompatibility (differences) is less as arranged marriages require that two people are perfectly matched, because they belong to the same culture, share the same religious upbringing and speak the same language. These identical backgrounds make it easier for the couple to communicate with each other and understand where each one is coming from.

It is said that arranged marriage offers more protection and security to the women, as there is not so much pressure on the women to look like models, and the husband is quite loving and caring towards his wife and eventually he falls in love with his wife.

In times of difficulties, couples can count on their parents or in-laws for help in forms of physical, emotional and financial support, such as if the couple were arguing they can count on their in-laws or parents to help them make up with their partner as they are there for guidance. For example, my mother got married to my father when she was only sixteen years old. It was an arranged marriage, but when they got married the families did not know each other. My mother wanted to study for future education but she had six other sisters who she had to take care of. She got married in 29 February, known as the month of romance. My mother did not see who her husband was till five days of after marriage as in those days you would not be allowed to look at your husband in the eye and be together in front of people. Although things were going well, my father had to go to India to earn money for the family as he was the oldest son, it was his responsibility and now, after his marriage, he has someone who he had to look after too. My mother’s mother-in-law helped my mother live a better life as a married woman and my grandmother teaches my mother things that she believes will help her for the future. If they have any problems, their elders are there to give advice and talk with them, and whenever my father had financial problems, other family members had and have been there for him to support him through his bad times.

In conclusion, I strongly agree that arranged marriage could be beneficial. My parents and a lot of my relatives who have arranged marriages are living happily and, even though they have arguments, they love each other truly from the bottom of their hearts. However, I am aware that there is also a bad side of arranged marriage and some countries need to start to look at the rights of women in arranged marriages.