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Ashes of Us

Not much can be salvaged after a fire...

By R.D KingPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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I was just a girl. A girl who was lost and confused about what she was doing with her life. A girl who didn't know who she was and was hiding from everything she thought she wasn't. I liked to be alone and felt the happiest in my own space. But deep down I had always yearned for an endless love and for someone who would see me even though I couldn't see myself. Then you arrived and set my world on fire.

We met on a boat in May. You asked me later why I even talked to you, and I told you it was your eyes that drew me in. For you, it was my laugh. You thought your eyes were too intense. I thought my laugh was insignificant. Together we created a world filled with color, laughter, music, and love. You showed me your flaws, your darkest parts. And you saw mine. The more we discovered about each other, the deeper we fell. We held each other when we were in pain. We encouraged each other to be the very best version of ourselves. You were everything I had forgotten I had always wanted. You were the fulfillment of every abandoned dream. I was unlike anyone you had ever known and you asked me where had I been all your life. I made you want things you had never wanted before and you did the same for me.

But I knew from the beginning that we had a time limit. Then you left and took my heart with you. There was no explanation or warning. One moment we were a team and the next we were nothing. Even though I saw it coming, it tore me apart until there was nothing left. I knew we had to end but I fought against it with all I had because it didn't feel right for us to not be together. I had never experienced something that felt right and yet so wrong at the same time. The fire that had kept us warm then consumed us and turned everything to ash. Despite your promises, things turned ugly between us. I couldn't control my emotions. You became hateful and cruel. When all was said and done you had ripped out my heart and watched it burn to ash on the ground, stomping on the remains as if you never cared about me at all.

In the months that followed, I lost everything. My home, anyone I had once called a friend, and a vital part of myself. It was as if losing you made me shed all the things in my life I had been needing to let go of. Losing you made me realize who I was and who I wasn't. You leaving helped me find and become who I was always meant to be. I have no regrets. I was finally able to be vulnerable with someone. And although I was burned, it was the most beautiful fire I had ever experienced.

A year has passed. It's been a time of constant change, but some things have remained the same. I am who I was always meant to be and that is largely thanks to you. I have changed, but how I feel about you has not. You are the ghost that haunts me every day. Not a moment goes by that you aren't in the back of my mind. I want to move on and let you go more than I've ever wanted anything. But every time I try, it feels wrong. It feels like I'm trying to live without breathing. The simple truth is that I still want you. I want to feel you breathing. I want to hear your heart beating. I want to sit in comfortable silence with you. I want to hear you laugh and sing. I want to hug you. I want us to hold each other so I can feel okay again... So I can feel alive once more. But I know that we aren't meant to be... because surely there is no love left in the ashes of us.

breakups
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