Amanda Kuhl
Bio
I used to say that I was just the average trouble prone smart-ass. I have lived in many places, loved few and lost my world. Sharing my life and how the chaos has brought me to serenity. Perfectly flawed, and I accept that, today.
Stories (4/0)
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
Presently, I am looking back to years lost in my life. Chunks of time that I can not remember, some wishing I could forget. I was a reactive person, meaning not thinking about anything before I had time to make a rational, thought out plan. This on more than one occasion has landed me places most people see on television and confusion sets in. I've seen the dirtiest intentions of people who claimed to be a close friend. The wheels turning in the mind of a manipulator trying for another big score while standing side by side pretending to give a fuck about someone while leading them into a negative situation. Only pretending to console the hurt while pulling the strings in the background to benefit from the trap they set for you to walk into initially. The conniving slick plan of a person who has been a con artist simply waiting for your demise. Circling like a starved desert vulture, waiting for the right time to pounce on a carcass that has been picked over by bigger, stronger creatures. Creatures that have just taken the good parts and left this shell laying there with no regard to the respect that once beating heart deserved. A quick dive towards the dirt, gliding to the nearest spot with easy access to feast and flee when satisfied.
By Amanda Kuhl7 years ago in Families
Caskets & Sandboxes
How can one moment, a single act change a person. Shake them to the core and rattle loose every part of them? How do you come back after dancing with the devil in a romanticized love story that the interest of his afflictions becomes this addiction? When does moderation become maintenance? How can you break up with the one thing that can make you feel. A break from the numbness, a sliver of hope in regaining some normalcy in the chaos that swallows you? Dancing in the shadows, praying it would end. The torture of giving away a love stronger than any fairytale happy ending. How do you grieve and remember without losing tour fucking mind?
By Amanda Kuhl7 years ago in Families
Down in a Hole
I wasn't even 18 yet and I was turning into the "Get those kids off my damn yard" neighborhood ol' lady that was rumored to eat children after tricking them with candy and luring them into the oven. I had no idea how to do anything but cry and push away anything that would distract me from grieving. Basically I took everything that was potentially great about me and became the polar opposite. I pulled away from anyone and everyone. I would only socialize when it came to passing a joint or finding out who had pot. I would stay hidden in my room, hugging that spot he laid last, hoping to smell his scent once more. To feel connected to the boy who shared my body. The viewings came and I would stay until everyone left. I forced smiles, bullshitting through unimportant chit chat. I put on a brave face and a thick skin to wade through the mass amounts of people coming to pay their final respects to my boy. At night I put on his favorite CD and would tell him good night until the day I had to say goodbye. Kissing his forehead and apologizing for not being able to keep him in my arms.
By Amanda Kuhl7 years ago in Humans
Childless Mother
When I was a little girl people told me not to try and grow up so quick. That I should enjoy my childhood because one day I will look back and be thankful of those memories. I am so glad that I listened to them, because boy did my life take a few more drastic turns than anyone could ever have expected .
By Amanda Kuhl7 years ago in Humans