My Breakup Thoughts
I think I would like to start this story out by saying I’ve hit a low. One of the lowest points I’ve ever been at. I can’t believe that I am here right now. It’s all because of him. I let one person who didn’t deserve to define me, my self-worth, or my happiness define it all. I let him in and now I can’t let him go. I feared the day a man would come around and break down the barriers I’ve had up for so long. I told myself the day would never come. Then he did. Meeting him was the worst thing that could’ve happened to me even though I believed it was the best. For a year I’ve been telling myself it was the best thing. I’ve been ignoring his flaws and I’ve been turning my back to him whilst he kicked me down. Not seeing the damage he did to me but also not caring for I loved him more than anything. There’s a very strange thing about knowing something is wrong but choosing to immerse yourself in lies that everything is great. I cannot put a word to it but believe me it is much deserving of its own word. He lied to me so much. He lied more than I think I can comprehend. He allowed others to dictate how our relationship, a secret bond between TWO people, would play out. All of our problems were in regards to those he let in to interfere. I feel sick even talking about how stupid I was. I have cried every day since he’s left. He’s left this hole in me that can only be filled by his presence despite all the stupidity and all the times he’s fucked me over. I still love him. I still would do anything for him. Nothing has changed except the fact that I’m looking him in the eye while he kicks me down and I’m accepting it.