Humans logo

Avoid Asking This Question When You're On A Date

It's the one question no one ever wants to ask.

By Delilah JaydePublished 6 years ago 4 min read
Like

I remember going out once with this guy I went to school with back in college where we went for a quiet dinner and then out to play billiards afterwards. The conversation was pretty good, and we were just getting to know one another so there was lots to talk about. We were casually chatting about the kinds of people we had been seeing and dating when he proceeded to ask:

“So, is this a date then?”Looking back, I don't really remember what my response was. But you can tell what sort of awkward situations a question like that can pose, especially if you're having a great time and you haven't said something to screw with your chances up to this point. But to be fair: we were both considering the same thing, he just happened to say it out loud first. (We never ended up dating.)I've always wondered why guys think that they need to spend so much money on the first date. Whether it was to try to impress the lady, or to lift their own self-esteem to a certain level, I was always content with much less: a cup of coffee or a walk through the city would have done the trick. The secret for me was: if you could make me laugh the majority of the date, there was probably a good chance we would make it back to your apartment. Simple enough, right? But then I realized that the guys who actually did those sorts of things, like get to know me genuinely, go for a drink at the bar and went out for a cup of coffee with me on a sunny afternoon were the same guys who made it apparent to them that no matter how much sex was involved, we would still need to be company to one another outside the bedroom, which resorted to them treating me like one of the guys. Don't get me wrong, I was OK with it since I am a big hockey fan and could probably talk a few good men under the table just in Canadian hockey stats alone, I enjoy a good wheat beer every so often and I was really into CrossFit at the time. I was naturally comfortable around men, and I was the kind of girl who wasn't afraid to get my hands a little dirty. But by keeping it so extremely simple and casual, many of the guys either dropped me straight into the friend zone, or I would do just that to them and we would get nowhere romantically. This of course, was where the real problem was. No one made anything clear at the get go, and this is a common mistake that so many of us make, even today.My point here is that it's not about what happens on the date, but more about the context of it. If you don't order that side of fries, you won't get any. I believe that the same should apply to relationships: if you want love, sex, cuddles, kisses, all of the above, you need to order them at the beginning. Think about it like this for a moment. If you see a girl that you like, maybe you approach her and you ask her something along the lines of "We should hang out sometime," and you'll think: OK, if this goes as planned, we'll call it a date. If it totally flops and doesn't go as well, no problem! It wasn't really a date anyways. Best of both worlds.But now, men have confused women with this simple, seemingly harmless approach. They'll run off to sleepovers with their girlfriends and wonder all the usual culprits: is he into me? Does he just want to hang out as friends? Should I dress casually, or maybe a little more dressed up? Are we splitting the check?!?! Then, the girls deliberate and she goes to bed stressed out and confused.Men! Here is my solution for you: Just, straight up ask. Like this: "I would really like to take you on a date. Are you free this weekend?"Don't think about it, just say it. Get rid of anything that sounds ambiguous and uncertain. Instead, be bold and direct. The best part about all of this is that there are only pros with this approach: she knows you're romantically interested, she has an opportunity to be up front and honest with you, she knows who is responsible for the check (ahem.) and if she's into you too, she'll feel desired by you, instead of sounding like you want something from her that she might not be ready to give. She won't have to worry about who you are to her, and she can go to bed excited instead of stressed out. The great thing is that if she isn't interested, you get an answer right away, without spending your time, money, and energy into getting to know her only to find out about all these things after the fact. You'll know that if she does say yes, that it's definitely a date and now you've got permission to turn on the heat! There won't be any silly mind games between the two of you, and you'll feel way better about owning what it is that you want. So to recap, here's the lesson we've learned today: "I want to take you on a date."

No matter what their response is, you’ll come away with a solid answer you won't regret. Either it will BE on, or can MOVE on.

advice
Like

About the Creator

Delilah Jayde

You can follow her on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/iamdelilahjayde

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.