Humans logo

Be the Lotus of Your Own Life

Growing from My Darkest Times to the Most Beautiful Time of My Life

By Cheyanne MondlochPublished 5 years ago 7 min read
Like
Never look back. 

Sometimes you have to fight to see the beauty in your life. This is my story.

Growing up I always watched my mother in many different relationships. Some of them okay, but none of them great. As I grew up watching her go through the tough relationships she did, I knew I didn’t want that. Getting older with that thought in the back of my mind, I always tried to force my relationships with men to be perfect. I didn’t want to hurt. My first serious relationship was when I was 14, going on 15. He was perfect to me at first. I didn’t really know what to look for; all I knew was he made me feel happy. That happiness soon dwindled. In the years to come, he used what he knew he had and hurt me with it. He knew I would never want to give up so he could pull me around however he wanted.

It all started when I was around 17. I hadn’t gotten my driver's license yet and that for some reason bothered him. He broke up with me multiple times because of this over the course of the next year. It was the absolute worst feeling ever. I’d go to bed one night and the next morning I’d wake up to him telling me I had to go stay at my dad's (I lived with his parents and him at this point). I was always “confused” but deep down I knew what was happening. He would drop me off then I’d get the text I knew was coming every time—it was always along the lines of “I need some time...” No more than a week after each time we would be back together.

This happened about 4 or 5 times. Each time, I would be heartbroken and lost. I would sit at my dad's just crying to him, wondering why I wasn’t good enough or what I was really doing wrong. He cheated on me and lied to me about it for almost a year. One of the last times we broke up I somewhat accepted it and moved on. I didn’t want but I knew I had to. I moved into my own apartment, was working two jobs that I loved, and life actually seemed great. Then he found his way back into my life.

I thought this time it was going to be different because it was the longest we had been apart. Things were okay for a while and he moved in with me. About six months later we moved into a different apartment together. It was an amazing apartment and I was making the best out of life. Then the emotional and verbal abuse started again. But this time it was different. This time it was getting physical.

There was one specific occasion I will always remember. We were at the apartment and he was always wanting to go through my phone. Well, I had gotten sick of it and refused this time. We argued for a while and finally he told me to pick my belongings and get out. So I started packing. He was so angry that I wasn’t doing it fast enough or whatever and threw a roll of plastic packing tape at me. I seen it coming and put my hand up to my head. It hit me and left a cut on my hand and a cut and welt on my forehead. At this point, I was so angry and frustrated. He decided to start packing my stuff for me. He was just carelessly throwing things in a box. In the process, he ended up breaking a case that my grandfather who passed away bought me. He broke a nail and it got all over a charm bracelet that my grandfather again gotten pieces of for me.

I was so angry. I gave him my phone and told him to look and that he wouldn’t find anything. Lo and behold, he found nothing. He got upset at himself and started apologizing and trying to fix what he had ruined. To me, that wasn’t enough and that was the point where I knew I had had enough. I moved away from my hometown. Fast forward about seven months, I wanna say, things in my life ended up going downhill and I didn’t know where else to go. So I messaged him. He said I could stay with him until I figured something else out. Now in the months I had lived away, I totaled my car. So I didn’t have a vehicle and was working about 30-40 minutes away from where I lived now. So he said I could use his extra vehicle for the time being. Now before I go any further with this part, I want make it very clear that when I decided to move back by him I made it very clear to him that we were in no way dating or going to date again. He agreed.

Now I only stayed there for about four days. It was a very short time and here’s why. So he worked later than I did so one night I decided I wanted to see my father and friends and catch up with them since I had been gone for so long. I asked if I could use his car and he said fine, to just have the car back by midnight. I agreed because I understood it’s his vehicle—if he wants it at certain time, fine. So I ended up hanging out with some friends and we were gonna hang out later than midnight so I had two of them follow me to the apartment to drop off the car then give me a ride back. Yes, they were male friends but that shouldn’t have mattered since we weren’t dating anymore.

But I was wrong. He was hiding behind a parked vehicle and was furious. He came running out, yelling and screaming, “Who’s that? Who the **** is that!?” Now I was more than scared because it was dark and out of nowhere I just heard screaming. And things got a little physical. He ran by me, pushed me, and I fell to the ground. I didn’t get hurt at all, just shaken up a bit, and then he got in my friend's face and yelled at him. At this point, I just got up and got in my friends' vehicle and told them to leave. We left and he followed. He followed every turn we made. Finally we thought we had lost him. We pulled into the parking lot of my friend's building and he came pulling in.

At this point, my friends had enough and told me we were going to the police. At this point I agreed because I was scared for my safety. We go and talk to an officer and he files a domestic violence report. I didn’t want to ruin my ex's life but at this point my only concern was my safety. He was arrested the next day and charges were pressed, so on and so forth. I still had my stuff there and had messaged him, asking to come get it. He started a fight telling me he wasn’t going to give me my stuff until the charges were dropped. I told him I didn’t file it so I couldn’t drop it. It was out of my hands. So after a while of arguing, he agreed to let me come get it. We pretty much lost all contact after that. He would message me once in a while but I stayed strong and stayed away. I was depressed and I became very anxious after that relationship. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I had to hope, pray, and wait for things to get better. And they did.

Fast forward a few years and I couldn’t be happier with where I am in life. I have the most amazing boyfriend. We have been together egiht months now and I wouldn’t change it for the world. From day one of us talking he has showed me how a relationship should be. He is helping me rebuild my trust and confidence. He is just amazing. I know it’s going to take time to heal completely and maybe I never will, but I haven’t felt this good in years. I just wanted to share my story because I know hearing stories would have helped me identify the negative signs right away and maybe gave me the push I needed to get out earlier. Even if I can help one person, that’s all that matter.

breakups
Like

About the Creator

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.