Behind Open Doors

Polyamory, it's everywhere these days. With thanks to television shows such as Sister Wives, the concept of an open marriage is everywhere. Granted the stars of the television show are "married", polyamory is a form of practice similar to that of the Brown family.

What the Brown family from the television series Sister Wives practices is Polygamy. This is where typically one man is married to several women. Polyamory is a couple, married or unmarried, who dates outside the relationship. This is something agreed upon by all parties. In other words, if you are out sleeping with other people and your significant other is not, nor are they aware that you are, that is cheating, not an open relationship of any kind. The concrete base of Polyamory is honesty; all parties are in the know.

Couples who engage in sexual activity with another couple, usually in the same room at the same time, are swingers. This is not exactly like polyamory in the sense that swingers are focused on recreational sex with the possibility of friendships or deeper relationships. Polyamory's focus is on deep relationships with the fun of sex. Think friends with benefits.

A Quad, where the two couples interact with each other sexually, either as a group or individually depending on whom within the relationship is bisexual. If all parties are bisexual, this becomes a Full Quad.

A Triad is similar to that of a threesome. This is where three people are actively dating one another. For example, Joe is dating Sarah, Sarah is dating Jane, and Jane is dating Joe. I've witnessed this to be one of the more common, and more accepted, forms of a poly relationship; other experiences my vary.

There are other far more complex forms, some you may want to look into would be the Polycule and Group Marriage. These are examples of the lifelong poly commitment and the depth of complexity involved in a poly relationship.

Now that I have gone over some basics, lets ask the bigger question, are you considering an open relationship? There are a great deal of things to consider before leaping into an open relationship or an open marriage.

First things first, is your current relationship solid? If you have opted for an open relationship to fix your current one, then polyamory is not for you. There are emotional risks to think of and if you are already in a rocky position, an open relationship will do little more than increase these issues.

You need to ask yourself if you and your partner can be open with each other before opening your relationship to other parties. Can you talk freely with your spouse? Can they in turn speak freely with you? Not just about the weather, but all the emotional details of your day. Can you and your spouse be truly honest with one another?

It is critical to be clear of your intentions. Both you and your partner need to discuss what this adaptation will mean and what you expect or want from it. Is the desire to have an open relationship sex-based and do you want your partner to pay particular attention to you over others?

Making certain both parties are on the same page, right down to the very letter, it is best to keep lines of communication open and to discuss rules of conduct. This can be as simple as the obvious "no sex without a condom" and "no bringing them home," which is a big rule for those who are married with children. If this is something you intend to keep quiet, perhaps adding "no dating coworkers or mutual friends" is a good idea. And always remember, what one cannot do the other cannot. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

If you are being up front with your partner or spouse, then you must be up front with any of those you are involved with outside your marriage. It is important to be sure everyone is on the same page, as mentioned before. If you find you aren't the type who can be honest, this really is not for you.

Most importantly, check your jealousy at the door. If you are not the sort who can bare your significant other to have friends of the opposite sex, then you certainly couldn't handle them having romantic relationships with someone other than you. Keep in mind, that a polyamory relationship is about romantic partnerships.

There are several factors to consider before leaping into these forms of relationships. Bare in mind that this is not your choice alone, but that of you and your significant other. Honesty, communication, and a solid relationship are musts in order for an open relationships to occur.