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Cutting to the Chase
Being bi-sexual—whether you're a man or a woman, is not greedy.
However with this being said, in 2018, there are still a fair few individuals who still actually believe this is a valid point.
Well today, I want to take you through my mind and my life as a bi-sexual female. Firstly, however, let me introduce myself.
My name is Emily and I'm a 19-year-old female, living just outside of London in a tiny town called, Farnborough. By day I work at a digital marketing agency in Guildford and by night, well... I don't really do much so I'll skip this part of the introduction!
Growing Up Gay-ish
For me growing up, being a lesbian never crossed my mind. Even though I had crushed on girls, I never really came around to the idea that I might just be a lesbian.
I mean how could this be? I liked guys too!
When I first started senior school at 11-years-old people started calling me names and calling me out for my crushes on girls. I was beaten up within months of joining a big school.
I never let this bother me though, in fact, I denied all of the allegations because still, the thought of me being even slightly gay, didn't cross my mind! So, it's fair to say I was kinda late to the labeling party when it comes to my sexuality, but when the time came I was still pretty confused.
I decided to fully explore my sexuality in Barcelona, at the age of 13. It was a school trip and I really, really liked this girl! We slept in the same bunk bed and even cuddled! Unfortunately, she was straight. Doesn't every gay have the same experience? When we returned from Barcelona, we remained only friends.
This for me was pivotal, from this moment onwards, I knew I didn't just like girls, I really liked them.
Although, pivotal it was, I couldn't quite get my head around the fact that I was also very much attracted to guys.
This made coming out, 10 times harder!
It wasn't until after I found lesbian YouTubers, Rose and Rosie, that I discovered that there was a name for my sexuality and that was bi-sexuality.
Coming Out of a Very Dark Closet
After years of being "one of the boys," playing football, dressing like a tom-boy and having pretty big crushes on girls, at the age of 15, I came out to my closest friends. Least to say, they were not surprised... In fact, they knew, everyone knew, but it was cool because EVERYONE was okay with it.
With my first ever girlfriend by my side and a grin so big you could see my braces, I decided to face my biggest obstacle... my mother. Needless to say, this did not end well at all and completely ruined our relationship.
Still to this day, four years later, I find having a relationship with my mother difficult. I feel uncomfortable, even though she doesn't care anymore, I feel like I can't run to her when I need her. I can't bring my girlfriend around when I want to. I can't even ask to hang out with her because I'm scared that the "lesbian" word will be mentioned.
But this was only my mum, my dad on the other hand... a lot more supportive. I'm pretty sure it was only my mum that was upset that I was bi-sexual, my sisters, brother and cousins actually were more annoyed they found out that I was bi-sexual through social media than they were by the fact that I actually was.
However, my family didn't and still don't understand how I could be attracted to both men and women. In their small and narrow minds, you can only be homosexual or heterosexual. There is not an in-between...
"You CAN'T Like Both, Can You?"
Stupidly, I still have to defend myself when I come out as bi-sexual. Yes, you can in fact, like both men and women.
I like to think of it as seeing past gender and falling in love with whoever I fall in love with. I'm not a shallow person, I'll fall in love with the person my heart wants to fall in love with, NOT the gender that my parents raised me to like.
A Bi-Sexual's Summary
So, what's it like to be bi-sexual? Well, after getting through all the drama, the tears, the lying and the hiding, being bi-sexual is great. My heart can love as openly and as freely as it wants to and shows no bounds.
However, let us not forget that growing up as part of the LGBTQ+ community is tough, whatever part of the world you are from. We are still an oppressed minority even in today's modern age and still get taunted, beaten and violated for loving who we love.
Sadly it's the reason I still, at 19-years-old, in a long-term relationship with another woman, hide my sexuality and refuse to display it in public.
But don't be put off by this, everyone's experiences are different.
Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community is amazing, just be mindful and always be prepared for the worst. You never know what people are thinking and sadly, we're the ones who will get hurt.