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Being Demisexual

Growing Up in the Gray Area

Demisexual flag

Sometimes I think to myself, "How in the world could I have possibly thought that I was straight?" But when I was a kid, you were either straight or gay. Then bisexuality became a norm in middle school. No one talked about being any form of asexuality because we simply weren't aware. So, since I'm heteroromantic, I assumed I was heterosexual.

I often felt strange in middle school. People were talking about porn watching and talking about who they would do it with. I could stand the conversations. They were interesting. But I just wasn't interested in having sex. I thought it was normal that I felt that way before, but my classmates proved me wrong. Even in elementary school, the other girls probably thought I was weird. Almost every girl had a crush on one of the third grade teachers, and I was confused. A couple of the girls asked me if I thought he was fine. "He's thirty years old, and we're nine. Why would I have any feelings for him?"

My sophomore year of high school, one of my friends and I were bored and started taking sexuality quizzes. I had gotten some results that I knew were wrong. So, I kept taking quizzes, and I came across one that gave me the result: demisexual.

I stared at the screen, stunned, as I looked at the results and looked up what it meant. A person that feels sexual attraction only towards those they have a deep bond with. Basically, that person to whom I am deeply bonded with becomes my sexuality. Sounds kinda weird, but that's how it is (I'm not speaking for all demis when I say that). No, it does not mean I've been sexually attracted to all my close friends. A romantic attraction always comes first for me.

I've talked about my sexuality anonymously on media before, and there weren't necessarily any negative responses. But the one that bothered me said, "Sounds like you're just straight." I'm not a straight person with a preference—anyone can have a preference regardless of sexuality.

I'll try to give a good example of my sexuality in action(?) if anyone is still confused. Okay, ladies, you see a video of some attractive guys doing some dance moves, singing, or whatever. You probably think, I wanna *bleep* him. I don't get that feeling, nor do I think that. I wanna marry his voice, or I fangirl because I have a thing for dancers. But not a sexual thing.

Although I've had my struggles with trying to get people to understand me, I enjoy the way I am. I personally didn't have an extremely rough time coming to terms with it, but I know there are probably some that have. I just thought sharing part of my story might be helpful.

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Being Demisexual
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