Being in Love Is Not the Same as Loving Someone

This thing called love, can be a wonderful thing, and a painful thing at the same time. Love comes in many forms, according to the ancient Greeks there are eight types of love, as explained by Dr. Carol Morgan. We have the Agape Love, this is unconditional, selfless love, like the love of Jesus Christ as believed by Christians. The Eros Love, the romantic, sexual, passionate and physical love, believed to burn out quickly. The Philia Love, this is an affectionate love, the love you feel for your friends. The Philautia Love, the plain and simple self-love, not narcissistic love, but just love of oneself. The Storge Love, this is parent-child kind of love, a strong bond between people. The Pragma Love, this is the type of love that is rare to find, the type of love that some people crave in a society that lacks it today. This love is the love that has endured over time, the type of love that a married couple in their 90s, still holding hands, has. The type of love I want. Then we have the Ludus Love, the love people feel in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, the butterflies in your stomach; the one that makes it seem like you're high on drugs. And lastly, we have the Mania Love, much like its name, this love is an obsessive love that makes you do unacceptable, crazy things; if not controlled it can be very destructive.

I really did not need to educate you on the types of love there are, it was interesting to me when I learned about them, so I thought it would be for you as well. So, the Greeks have given us the guide to knowing what type of love we feel for a person. In our modern day we have made a sub category for Eros love, being in-love, and loving someone. In a relationship the two can go hand in hand; you are able to tell someone, “I'm in love with them, and I love them” without hesitating. However, sometimes, in a relationship, you may just find yourself loving them, and not being in love. It seems like I'm just spitting out craziness now, but give me a second to explain; you’ll get it.

Being in love is effortless, loving someone is like a struggle.

You fight to be with the person, you try to stay connected with them, you feel like it's taking a toll on you, that’s loving someone. When you’re in love, it just comes, you don't even try, or feel like you are. Sometimes I found it stressful to talk to my ex-boyfriend, and I remember he would always say that I never gave him attention, I didn’t call him often. Then I would think to myself, what does he want from me, “I’m trying” like, could you imagine, as if it was work for me.

Being in love is how you make them feel, loving someone is how they make you feel.

This so accurately describes me in my past relationship compared to now. Before ending that relationship, or while I was trying to end it and didn’t succeed initially, I was telling myself, that he is so good, he is sweet, he makes me happy, he gives me good advice. All of which he did, but do you see the point, I kept thinking about how he made me feel, or what he did and could do for me. And honestly thinking back at it much later after that relationship, I never really considered doing things for him. It makes me sound horrible, I know, I just was not about him, yes, we were together but I didn’t say to myself, what are you going to do for your boyfriend that is going to make him happy today. At least I can’t remember thinking like that, and that’s not good. I know what it’s like to be in love, because you are constantly thinking of what nice things you can do for them.

Being in love is not a choice, loving someone is.

You can choose who you love, you can choose to not look at their flaws, you can decide to not love them as well. You have no say in whom you’re in-love with, take it from me. I tried, consciously tried, to not fall in-love with someone, I thought I wanted other things. But I couldn’t help it, I can’t fully explain it, but imagine loving something so much, like ice cream, deciding not to eat it the next day, because that’s all you have been doing in the past week, then realizing the next day on your third cup that you just played yourself. I’ve loved, but I wanted to be in love, I found what I wanted, and I hope everyone can find that person that they fall in-love with, because it’s pretty amazing. Sure, there can be attributes of loving someone, when you are in-love with them, but overall you find happiness, and you don’t feel burdened by it.