Being in Love With More Than One Person

Can you be in love with more than one person at the same time? This is a question I have been asking myself since I was very young and I have come to the conclusion that there is no simple answer because everybody has there own experiences, beliefs and feelings but I am writing this in the hopes that I can shed some light for even just one person going through something similar to what I’ve experienced over the last year.

I fell in love at a very young age and still to this day I believe that it was true love. Cliche as it sounds, my first love was the most important thing in my life at the tender age of 12. I did everything I could to support him and help him get through day to day life even though my love was never reciprocated (perhaps because I never told him how I felt). This imaginary romance of mine was where my need to be needed started to develop. I had feelings for at least 3 different boys when I was an early teen and I could never decide between them. My need to be needed was at battle with what I needed for myself and it has always been until now.

Years later, I’ve been through my first real breakup, a pregnancy, a termination and watching the person I love fall in love with who I thought was my best friend and I don’t regret a single minute of it.

I was in a relationship for nearly a year after months of trying to figure out whether I was in love or not. As it turns out, I was very much in love and still am. Me and my boyfriend had a very close friend. We’ll call my boyfriend Daniel and our close friend Tristan. Daniel has always been very sweet but isn’t a protective or physically strong character but he needed me to help him through his own issues and after growing up without a father I needed someone to look out for me. Someone I trusted. That someone was Tristan. I shared everything with him. He made me feel safe. I knew he’d do anything for me and I’d do anything for him.

Nothing ever came of my feelings for him since I ignored them because I knew I was in love with Daniel and you can’t be in love with two people, right? Well, that is nothing ever came of it until soon after Daniel and I broke up. I spent the night with Tristan and trusted him with one last thing I’d never trusted him with before. Needless to say, shit hit the fan.

I won’t be going into the details of my pregnancy because I feel that is something I did alone and after everything that’s happened I’d like to keep it that way. I received a lot of judgement and threats due to my actions but I stand by them because at each minute I made each decision, it was the right one for me.

I found myself stuck with Daniel wanting to renew our relationship having forgiven me and me not knowing who I had which feelings for or if Tristan even cared for me after he acted like I didn’t exist during my pregnancy. I still don’t know if his long game was to get me in bed or even if there was a game but I don’t really think he was the winner in this game. I debated and pined for both boys for months and dealt with my feelings completely alone whilst all my previous friends called me names and shut me out for what I had done.

This dragged on until one day, Tristan was suddenly in a relationship with my dear friend. The pain went through me like shock waves for hours on end and the only relief I could get was when I finally fell asleep. Until one day, when I had no tears left to cry I thought to myself “how would I react if it were Daniel in the new relationship?” My answer was simple. I would never recover. And so, I’m back together with Daniel and I’m happier than ever and working through my feelings with him.

I no longer speak to Tristan but I miss his friendship greatly and will always have deep feelings for him, romantic or not. I care about him and I needed to be needed by him.

To conclude this story of my experience that I am relieved to share with you, I have learnt that because people are so different it is possible to be in love with two different people for completely different reasons. I hope that this has relived somebody out there and I hope you find happiness with the person you’re meant to be with like I have.