Every town has one. The couple that seems to have "got it right." Every single detail, flawless upon first glance, and on further inspection one might find that even the roughest patches in the relationship pale in comparison to how terrible your last drunken hookup turned out.
We know. It's not your fault Dirk the Taxidermist also made furniture out of humans. It's not your fault that Dr. Fihad, the doctor of holistic medicine, poisoned your dog with that mercury-laced tincture.
It's not your fault.
You just swiped right.
Atlanta is no stranger to this. It seems like our dating scene is perpetually swirling the toilet bowl, hoping we have the technology to filter out the waste.
In the hopes that we could get some perspective on why the Atlanta dating experience is the crapshoot it is, we sat down with Tim and Betsy, Creative Loafing's "Top Couple 2017," in hopes we could gain some perspective on this issue, and discuss their upcoming event at Jack's Pizza!
Vocal: Tell us, what makes you successful in your relationship?
Betsy: Well, Tim works remotely from Kauai, Hawaii, for a moving company here in Atlanta. I think his niche really keeps him away from other women who might be out to steal my man.
Tim: I think it's about communication. I find that if you don't know how to communicate properly, arguments can't really come up.
Betsy: It's not just about good times and great memories. It's about feeling alive again. When you're a happy couple, everyone else is miserable around you. Things like that keep me going.
Tim: Yeah, it's the tops. We find that if you announce your love for your partner daily, you can really alienate those closest to you. Once you and your partner are alone in this life living on an island, you can truly begin to be happy.
Your event, "Tim and Betsy Are Back in Town," has been going viral on Facebook the last couple days. Tell us a little bit about that.
Tim: We're really hoping everyone can make it out for a slice and a pint. Although, it would be preferable if everyone cancelled last minute so we can get back to the hotel and watch Game of Thrones.
Betsy: It's really nothing too crazy. We're just planning on showing up to Jack's Pizza with a large party and no reservation and working the staff to death in hopes we can reduce our check cost due to problems we created.
Tim: If we're lucky, we can move our food onto someone else's check without them noticing. It's a great way to pinch pennies.
Jack's Pizza, Where the Happening Will Take Place
There's a lot of buzz going around on Facebook over this happening. We poked our head inside the official event invite to see what all the fuss is about.
"Chris and I will be there sometime after 7!" —Melissa
Tim: I really liked her choice of the numeral seven in her RSVP. It touches on her forward-thinking state of mind. Typing out numbers in their alphabetic form borders on insane to me. I just don't understand what type of people have that sort of disposable time.
"Aww, I have class tomorrow night, so I will miss you, but have a slice for me!" —Sarah
Betsy: That girl hardly ever eats. I'm starting to wonder if she's one of the lizard people. It's hard to really know for sure, but between the diminished appetite, and so-called psoriasis it's really hard to tell.
"Hey! Won’t be able to make it to this, but hope y’all are doing awesome!" —Jeff
Tim: Yeah, we don't actually want him there. That was an accidental invite. He sells SUPREME online. It's just awful.
"Thanks for telling me to check my events! I'm at work till 7 but will stop by if u guys are still snackin' on slices." —Brittany
Betsy: No, she won't.
It's been said before that relationships aren't hard if you just put in the work. Tim and Betsy are living proof that love on an island is possible if you just believe in yourself, and if the buzz online is any indicator, this event may very well be the biggest happening of the fall season.