Blind Love

When I was younger I dreamed of my "Happily Ever After," always watching Disney fairytales I expected that life or at least something close to it. In grade school I had my first crush in grade six, he was gorgeous and popular. Almost the entire school was friends with him, and to me he looked like he was created by angels. Back then I was so carefree that I feared nothing. I gathered my courage and picked a beautiful flower and gave it to him. Now I wasn't expecting something grand but for sure did not expect what I got in return. For an entire year after expressing feelings to him I was tormented and bullied until I finally graduated. All his friends would chase me around and call me names. He would embarrass me in front of the whole school and laugh. I felt so ashamed for telling someone I liked them, and it got worse from there on out.

Entering high school I promised myself I would be a new person and no one would know of my embarrassing past. I changed my hair and my clothes and even the way I acted. Before I was just some loner loser and entering grade nine I decided to become someone more recognized by others. Boy I was still dreaming...

I became a wallflower. Barely noticed, I had made friends but to the male population I was friendzoned. But I didn't let it bother me as much seeing I was also focusing on my grades, I decided to join the school's concert band and choir. Things I loved was always art and music. For a while it was a great distraction, until I began crushing on one of the band members.

He was cute; brown hair, brown eyes, a drummer and smart and funny. All things I liked. But I was still invisible. I tried my hardest to get his attention but always failed. Eventually I auditioned for a play, acting was a dream but was also very fun and I made good memories through them. Even though I was only in the chorus I had the time of my life; as for my crush he was playing in the music pit for the play. I figured I'd show him how good my acting and singing is and maybe he'd notice me. Well as soon as he heard her voice she had all the eyes on her, especially his. She was beautiful and graceful. Long blonde hair, red luscious lips, and the voice of an angel. But all that fame went straight to her head. I could remember countless times I'd compliment her and try to befriend her all so she could put me down like I was nothing.

As my first year of high school finished I finally came to the realization I would always be a wallflower, and surprisingly I became okay with that.

Grade 11 approached and it came to a shock that I had finally been noticed by a boy in a grade lower than mine. He was cute, funny, and seemed to care, I decided to give him a shot. We began dating and it was nice. I dated him for six months. During the late spring I went to his dad's house so we could go watch the fireworks together, the time together made me happy until he started reaching his hands in places I didn't agree with. I said stop and that I didn't like that, but he replied with, "It's okay, this is what's supposed to happen in relationships." I still wasn't okay with it and tried to push him away from me but apparently he thought me pushing him back meant I liked it...

Throughout the summer I spent a month away from him to reflect, I realized whatever care I had for him died that day, and by the start of grade 12 I broke up with him. From there on I had my fair share of dating guys who were only interested in short term dating. One left me for my best friend, the other cheated on me because I wasn't blonde. I was just about to give up on love until I met Prince Charming. He was all I ever dreamed of and more, older than I and had eyes that could freeze me in my tracks. It was love at first sight.

Everything was perfect and I was the happiest; but everything that makes you happy always comes to an end. We dated on and off for almost two years and in that time I had developed a bad depression. I attempted suicide four times, and all four times I failed. One out of the four did permanent damage to my throat, still to this day I'm not surprised when I cough up blood. By the final time we tried, he proposed, and honestly I thought we'd finally worked out our differences. I was wrong. He showed signs of wanting to cheat, would make sexual comments to my best friend. Eventually I caught him cheating and had enough. I left him.

Time went on and it wasn't long until I found myself in another relationship. He made me laugh and got my mind off of my ex fiance, and we had lots of fun. But the relationship was built off sex and eventually I got knocked up, and the moment he found out he changed.

He began to cheat, and his lies became more visible, and if that wasn't enough he began abusing me. Said it was the "only way" to get what he wanted. My friends noticed it far before I did. They told me everything, exposing him for what he really was. And when I witnessed how he treated my parents I was about to run. But I wanted my son to have a father...

So I made peace with him and tried living with him in hopes he'd change. Trial and error was a slight way of saying it didn't happen. He forced me to move out of my parent's house into a house right next to his mother's who just happened to be more than a control freak, and his step dad who didn't care and would be violent if he felt like it. They threatened me and attempted kidnapping my child if I did their son wrong. It was hell living there.

The day I delivered my son he wasn't by my side. The doctor was confused on who the father is, technically it was him. Theoretically it wasn't. During delivery there were many complications that resulted in my death. I died for a few minutes and eventually woke up to my mom crying and praying by my side. When I looked over I found him playing on his phone in the far corner at the back of the room. It was that day whatever love I had for him died.

For four months after my son's birth he did nothing. He neglected our son and kept up with the psychological and financial abuse until one night in September when we went to a birthday party for one of our friends. That night was a nightmare; that night was the night that sexual abuse began to happen. Though I did succeed in fighting his drunken body off of me, I could never look at him the same ever again. He disgusted me.

By then I had enough and wanted freedom. A domestic dispute involving four police cruisers, hiatus house, and a caring best friend resulted in my freedom. I left. I was finally free, or what felt like freedom for the first time. I still had to deal with his parents for three months afterwards, but I was free and happy for a short little while at least.

Weeks after the breakup he tried to get me back, and being my abused self I almost believed he had changed, until I seen him with another woman at a Halloween party. I was heartbroken because during those weeks we were talking about getting back together for our son's sake. But seeing them together I realized he'd never change and he will always be a narcissistic compulsive pathological liar and a cheat.

Two months went passed and we hadn't spoken. Until one night in December. He had called me to pick up our son and take him home. So I went, little did I know his parents didn't know about me coming to retrieve my son. As I was dressing him up and getting him ready to go, his mother stormed in the house we once called ours. I tried locking my son and I in our old bedroom, she broke down the door and began to harass me. She wouldn't let me calm my crying baby and when I attempted to give him his soother she ripped it out from his mouth proclaiming it's hers because she bought it. Her boyfriend followed and harassed me then assaulted my ex, tossing him by his throat across the room. I fled that night with my son going home and locking the doors. My ex and I went the following day to report the harassment and assault to the police, they apparently already had a name down at the station for similar acts on an officer. From that moment I tried to be civil with him, and for a while it worked, until I refused his offer to date him once again. From then on he had been causing problems for me.

I took my time off dating to raise my son with my parents' help and to this day I still get to watch him grow and see him smile. Yet I still have to protect him from his father..

Love is blind because it makes you see the good aspects of people who tend to turn out bad.

Recently I found myself in a new relationship; and for the first time in forever I feel appreciated. I feel loved. By a man finally my age, who loves children, has a steady and good paying job and a loving family. This is where I hope I finally reach my happily ever after.

Love is blind and the only way to be happy is to take a step knowing full well you're going in blindfolded.