Break Up Lessons: Part Two

Making the decision to confront the Emptiness was, quite frankly, emotionally overwhelming for me but, the decision needed to be made. I was at a point in my life where I had no choice but to face all of the emotions, feelings and thoughts that were crowded into my mind in the aftermath of another disastrous relationship experience. I was at the spot where I needed to answer the question that every man and woman asks themselves at the end of a relationship: Is it me?

I realized that in order to come out of the abyss, I needed to confront that which I'd avoided through every romantic relationship: Myself.

It's easy to point the finger at the other person and pick them apart. It's easy to find their flaws but, what about our own flaws? What about the things that linger within us that do not allow us to engage in a successful romantic relationship?

The people we form relationships with are a reflection of who we are. You've heard that before but have you TRULY examined what it means?

For instance, in my case, I'd always chosen partners who were unavailable in some way or another: Physically, meaning that they were already in relationships or were incarcerated, lived a distance away from me, or the classic: emotionally unavailable. In the case with Aaron, he was unavailable on many different levels, I just didn't realize it until after things were revealed to me. I also chose partners with certain types of jobs. My two favorites were military and truckers. The more I thought about it, the more obvious the pattern became.

At this point in the process of the break-up aftermath, I made a complete effort to confront every emotion, every feeling, every lingering reason why I persisted in failed relationships. The Emptiness had no answers for me, but, the more I explored the depths of myself, the more I was made aware of one consist factor in my experiences: ME.

The relationship with Aaron was simply the last twig in a flimsy dam meant to hold back the river of emotion I'd hidden myself from. When revelations were made, the dam broke and I had two choices: stand up against the rush or drown.

I decided to stand, albeit on shaky, unstable legs, but, I stood up. When I did that, Emptiness promptly bid me adieu and made an exit.

What was left was me, crying and being angry, full of questions and sadness. Any and everywhere I went, I allowed those feelings and emotions to feel welcomed. I embraced them. I talked about my experience with others and I wasn't ashamed. I was no longer ignorant to the way I'd handled myself through previous relationships; my eyes were open and I was FINALLY seeking the truth. I was also the only one that had the key to all of the answers.

It's a slow, often tedious process when you're coming out of the abyss but, eventually, you see the light. Small, thin streams at first, then they begin to widen and you start to adjust your eyes. You start to get excited, feeling the warmth of the light against your skin and you start to breathe easier, the pressure of what you've been buried under for so long, lifted.

You open your arms, spread them as wide as you can, and you welcome the energy the light brings knowing that once you reach it, the darkness will shrink back into the corners and you can feel like yourself once again.