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There we are. Sitting in silence. Me trying to hold my anger in, shoveling waffles stuffed with eggs and cheese into my mouth. I was hoping that would keep me from blurting, "You're an ass" across the table. I swirled my blueberry compote around my plate; I wondered how many people thought my food choice was odd. This is my life right now. Sitting across from my ex/roommate/baby daddy, I realized what an odd situation I was in.
"This is the most I've eaten in days," I said as I was scooping the last bite off my plate.
"Were you just needing good dick?" he said slyly as he watched me eat.
I rolled my eyes. "Nope, I got that Saturday.'' But unfortunately, what I really said was "Nope, I just needed good food. You would think you could have at least bought a girl breakfast after giving you great head, though." We've been split up for about two weeks now, and trying to be cordial with each other. There is still animosity between us that has been building for over three years. We let our attraction for each other get the best of us this morning. It was the first time I felt like having sex with him in months. We've been sleeping in separate rooms, and the loneliness crept in like a shadow over me. I walked into the living room to grab a drink of water and glanced at him laying on the floor. He was apparently awake and asked if I was okay. I lied about having a nightmare just so I could feel him hold me. Of course we cuddled, which led to me scooting my back as close to him as I could. We all know that infamous butt scoot and what it leads to. The sex was good, not because it was passionate, but because it was comfortable. And it hit me in the middle of him on top of me, that I had lost my passion for him. That everything that I had been through with him really did chip away at me until I really had nothing left to feel for him.
It seemed like the moment my unhappiness became so apparent to me that I had to make a change, that moment was the door opening on a new adventure for me. When I ended my relationship, I felt free again. My mind began to reject my unhappiness, slowly pushing it out and making room for all my now positive thoughts and mindset.
So, we have our fun this morning. I listened to his "I love you"s and "I miss you"s as we "made love." And then he leaves me standing behind him at Waffle Champion, his body almost guarding the cashier. And I knew in that moment this asshole was going to make me buy my own breakfast. Oh, the rage that clawed at my insides. I shoved my hands into my sweater pockets, hoping that they would contain my balled fists, waiting to make contact with his arrogant face. After sitting down, and listening to his comment about the laughable "good dick," I entertained myself in my own head. I can become pretty heartless after a certain point. I had already had fantastic, passionate, hair pulling sex with someone who I had been friends with for years, whose friendship had been platonic until last Saturday night. So I replayed that night in my head while staring at his condescending face. And the satisfaction of that was ten times better than the sweet yet savory waffles I just scarfed down.