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Building Healthy Relationships (Pt 1)

The Passive-Aggressive Personality

By denise knightPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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Social media is overrun with memes about recognizing and avoiding toxic relationships. Many of these memes are posted by the immature or overly sensitive who are trying to get revenge or attention. However, the truth is, toxic relationships seem to be an epidemic. Simply put, some do not know how to love, communicate, and interact. Some are, indirectly, screaming for help. We all want healthy relationships.

The first step is learning how to recognize toxic relationships. These are those relationships that are dominated by passive aggression, the blame game, jealousy, criticism and contempt, negative energy, insistence on conformity, living in the past, narcissism, and fear.

Many have heard the cliché, “the best offense is a good defense.” It is that way in sports, war, and relationships. We as humans must understand the enemies that threaten our well-being and the well-being of our relationships. Analyzing each of the above mentioned disorders will help one to understand them and develop a plan to deal with them, transform them, or move out of them. Healthy relationships cannot thrive in a toxic environment. Individuals cannot thrive in a toxic relationship.

We will take one personality disorder or toxic personality at a time and define and dissect it to understand its source, effects, and solutions. This series of articles will hopefully help individuals avoid dangerous or unhealthy relationships and embrace a life worthy of God’s creations. For those who are already enmeshed in toxic relationships, hopefully transformation or escape (whichever is needed) can be attained.

First, we will look at the passive-aggressive personality. "Passive-aggressiveness, as the word indicates, is a tendency to engage in indirect expression of hostility through acts such as subtle insults, sullen behavior, stubbornness, or a deliberate failure to accomplish required tasks" (Brogaard, 2016). Whether the relationships are of a biological, romantic, business, or amiable nature, the common denominator for the passive-aggressive is hostility. Verbal hostility includes insults, criticism, put-downs (disguised as jokes), sardonic implications, gossip, and condescension. Goals of the passive-aggressive person consist of psychological manipulation, the attaining and/or maintaining of dominance, the creation a derisive and humiliating environments, expressions of disapproval, deception, and avoiding responsibility. Any of these circumstances will destroy one's security, self-worth, mental health, and physical well-being. “In short, passive-aggressiveness is anger, hostility, and/or learned helplessness in disguise, expressed in a covert, underhanded way to ‘even the score,’ and with the hope of ‘getting away with it.’ The perceived payoffs for the passive-aggressive are greater power, control, and negative emotional satisfaction” (Ni, 2016).

It is important to be aware of these signs before entering a relationship. When they are revealed, one should run! Do not allow the desperation for companionship to thrust you into unhealthy relationships. If one finds themselves trapped in a relationship with a passive-aggressive person and there is no chance for change, then it is OK to walk away. When the relationships are of a biological or business nature, it is harder to avoid. Sometimes avoiding family may become necessary. As far as career and jobs are concerned, it may become necessary to report to higher-ups. If the situation remains or escalates, seeking a new job may be the only alternative. Walking away is not a sign of weakness. It does not mean the perpetrator has won. In fact, taking control is a sign of strength. Victory and joy is attained when freedom is seized. Seek professional guidance and allow experts to empower and uplift you as you embark on your freedom journey. It is important to remember not to join in the hostility as a defense mechanism. Do not try to reason with a passive aggressor. In order for the relationship to transform from toxic to healthy, seek professional and/or spiritual help. Remember the hostile behavior coming at you is not about you. If all parties in the relationship will not seek help and be willing to make the necessary changes, it may be necessary to walk away from the relationship. If this becomes the case, do not move forward alone. Again, seek professional guidance.

REFERENCES

Brogaart, Berit (2016). 5 Signs that you're dealing with a passive-aggressive person. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201611/5-signs-youre-dealing-passive-aggressive-person

Ni, Preston (2016). What makes people passive-aggresssive? 6 possible causes. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201608/what-makes-people-passive-aggressive-6-possible-causes

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About the Creator

denise knight

wife, homeschool mom, author, musician, educator, and counselor

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