Bullying

I was 4 years old when it started, living in Cheltenham, England—where a lot of youngsters and free birds live. I was an outgoing, playful young girl and couldn't wait to see what the world had in store for me everyday.

Primary school was a huge deal for me, I couldn't wait to meet new friends and laugh and play. But for some reason, things didn't turn out the way I had planned. Kids started saying things behind my back, and they started pushing and prodding. For the parents of every child it's a normal thing, so I heard. I didn't believe it. Who allows such a thing to happen? I remember coming home at night and crying, thinking why are these kids being so mean to me? I am so nice to them and helpful. That question stayed in my brain for the next 5 years until we packed up and moved to Athlone, Ireland—where we stayed for the good portion of the next 1 1/2 years.

I thought that as soon as I moved to another country things would be different. I was 10 years old at this point in time. I had established a good sense of who I was and a little bit of a self confidence. Then kids started to realize I wasn't from Ireland... "you sound different," "you're weird," were the pokes I would get. I figured it would go away as I tried my best to pick up an Irish accent to fit in. That only lasted for about a year and things took a bad toll once again. It was close to Christmas and one of the kids decided it was a good idea to push me into a wall and yell, "hopefully that will shut you up." And it did, for the remainder of the time that I had lived there. I had 1 best friend who I hung out with almost everyday, Brounagh. She was the only girl who didn't pick on me, and she is still remembered for that reason to this day, 12 years later.

A few months later my dad came into my bedroom and said, "Pack your things, we're moving to Canada." "Where's Canada?" I thought to myself. Then the worry of having to start all over again came over me and the dread came with it. But I didn't have much of a choice since Canada needed draftsmen at the time and we would be closer to the United States as my parents had always wanted to live there for as long as I can remember.

The day came that we arrived in Canada and it was warm, but no scenery. No trees, no hills, not England. I started to think of how things would go this time around with the kids at school. I was almost 12 years old at this point in time—I had to stand up for myself. So the day came where my first day of grade 5 came along, or the last 2 months of the semester as they said since we had moved in late August. Every girl came running up hugging me, expressing how excited they were that I came into the class... "this is weird..." I thought, and still think to this day. Funny how things go though, those girls who hugged me so joyfully, where the girls that turned out to be one of the most hated group that I have put away in my past. The bullying started all over again. I had short hair so they called me a boy, ugly, different, weird, fat. These are just a few, and I remember going home crying again, every day wanting it to all go away. The last year of elementary weren't much better but it wasn't as bad.

Junior high came, and grade 8 was the worst year of my life. I was bullied so bad every day that my mum had to come and pick me up at lunch times just so that kids didn't laugh at me... I almost committed suicide more than 20 times, almost moved schools 3 times. It was gut renching to be alive during this year. I am very lucky to be alive today. Grade 9 wasn't bad, things turned around and the bullying continued but I found a voice and stood up and stopped giving in and it vanished like nothing happened.

High school next, I was so excited, and couldn't wait to be in school with my brother. I remember seeing a boy walk into my English class... thinking he was the absolute most gorgeous human being I had ever seen. He was the one. I had to have him. So over the next 3 weeks he found me on Facebook and had given me his number while I was at cheer practice. I was love struck! We fell in love so fast and dated for the next 3 years. But during those 3 years wasn't what I had expected a high school sweetheart relationship to be. He had cheated more times than I can remember, and I thought it was my fault every time. I went back. Every time. He would leave me on Fridays and ask for me back on Mondays, he would get his friends to yell, "Slut" and "loner" whenever he could just to that my self esteem was so low that I wouldn't go to anyone else... and it worked. I didn't know what to do and the bullying continued until one day I had enough, and told him we were done. That was the best decision I have ever made. Being with someone so toxic it is suffocating. Especially being with someone you love who bullies you, is absolutely absurd. But when you're only 15 years old, you think you know what love is, and "it's just a phase, he said he loved me."

After high school I found my next love, who I had been best friends with for years. But the bullying still didn't stop. The cheating didn't stop, the lying and hiding didn't stop. I was waiting for someone to come home who was never returning. Those 3 1/2 years were torture for me, and I look back now and think, "What kind of person did I have to be to put up with that? What kind of self image?" Clearly non-existent.

I thought that by now being 21 years old that I would be over this childish bullying. It didn't stop. I had started to work in my field as a barber and throughout the 9 years-to-date it was constant. I remember telling my boss I was thinking of entrepreneurial ventures and he laughed—my coworkers laughed—my clients laughed. What is this madness? How can someone's dreams become a battleground? Clearly I had no idea what I was getting myself into, feeding my dreams and goals to the wrong people and not understanding how damaging that can be.

It carried on for 3 years, until I met my mentors. They heard the situation and showed me that not everyone is terrible. Not everyone you come across is spiteful. That successful people are wise, and gracious, and uplifting. My life has never been the same and I am now on the path of personal growth, into the best version of myself. Nobody bullies me anymore, I have learnt to find my voice and stick to it, I have dreams and goals that aren't being talked down upon... yet, broadened and challenged to go even further.

It is amazing what an association can do. Even the smallest mindset change, or just that one person to change your life. I needed that one person, and I'm glad I found them. My life will never be the same, it is now full of happiness, and vision.

If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart.